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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
Q: What do smart Blondes and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them but you never see them
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
A golfer and his buddies where playing a big round of golf for $200. At the eighteenth green the golfer had a ten foot putt to win the round, and the $200.

As he was lining up his putt, a funeral procession started to pass by.

The golfer set down his putter, took his hat off, placed it over his chest, and began to wait for the funeral procession to pass. After it passed, he picked up his putter and returned to lining up his putt.

One of his buddies said, "That was the most touching thing I have ever seen. I can't believe you stopped playing, possibly losing your concentration, to pay your respects."

"Well, we were married for 25 years."
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
On an elderly gentleman's 80th birthday, some of his friends decide they want to do something special for him, so they send a prostitute over to his house to have sex with him.

The prostitute knocks on the door and the 80 year old man answers. The prostitute says, "I'm here to give you super sex."

The old man's hearing isn't quite what it used to be, so he says, "What's that dearie?"

The prostitute speaks a little louder and says, "I said, I am here to give you super sex."

Again the old man asks her to repeat herself.

Very slowly, she yells, "I am here to give you super sex."

The old man finally understands and replies, "Oh, I guess I'll have the soup."
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards."
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother:
"Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her
life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.

The child thought about this for a moment, then said: "So then why is the
Groom wearing black?"
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
MIGHTY FINE ADVICE IN THESE WORDS

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, 'I love you ,' mean it.

FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson !

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship...

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY.. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.



submitted by: Jeff G.
  ... More Useful Information?