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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE

One day, Jill's husband came home from the office and found her sobbing convulsively.

"I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers."

"Forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I bought an extra pair of pants for that suit."

"Yes, and it's lucky for you that you did," said Jill, drying her eyes. "I used them to patch the hole."
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
Subject: The Truly Useful Golf Book

The Truly Useful Golf Book. It includes the following chapters:

* How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt

* How to Hit a Nike From the Rough When You Hit a Titleist Off The Tee

* How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker

* How to Get More Distance Off the Shank

* When to Give the Ranger the Finger

* Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings

* Crying and How to Handle it

* Proper Excuses for Drinking Beers Before 10am

* How to Rationalize a 6 Hour Round

* How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water

* Why Your Wife Doesn't Care That You Birdied the 5th

* How to Let a Foursome Play Through Your Twosome Without Getting
Embarrassed

* How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three Off the Tee

* When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent

* G-d and the Meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey Three Putt


I understand that they are working on the sequel "When to Re-grip Your Ball Retriever"
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
A couple preparing for a religious conversion meets with the orthodox rabbi for their final session. The rabbi asks if they have any final questions.

The man asks, "Is it true that men and women don't dance together?"

"Yes," says the rabbi, "For modesty reasons, men and women dance separately."

"Well, okay," says the man, "but what about sex?"

"Fine," says the rabbi. "A mitzvah within the marriage!"

"What about different positions?" the man asks.

"No problem," says the rabbi.

"Woman on top?" the man asks.

"Why not?" replies the rabbi.

"How about doggie-style?"
"Of course!"

"Well, what about standing up?"

"NO!" says the rabbi.... "Could lead to dancing!"
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suing the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?"

"Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.

"And now someone is suing the fast food restaurants for making them fat and clogging their arteries with all them burgers and fries, is that true, mister lawyer?"

"Sure is Bubba"

And the lady sued McDonald's for millions when she was given the hot coffee that she had ordered?"

"Yep."

"And the football player sued the university when he graduated and still couldn't read?"

"That's right," said the lawyer. "But why are you asking?"

"Cause what I want to know is, I was thinking, can I sue all the Beer Manufacturer's for all the ugly women I've slept with?"
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

"Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went to the gun shop for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls,they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood.

PS - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside."

Submitted by: Aileen Gordon
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
Today's Message of the Day is:

Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.

Submitted by: Rene Andert
  ... More Useful Information?