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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
The Baltimore Police Department, famous for its superior K-9 unit,
was somewhat taken back by this recent incident.

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on all channels and a K-9 unit
patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
The K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a tight leash.

The woman ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and
his dog, then sat down on the steps, put her face in her hands and
moaned.........

"I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for
help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
A man enters the confessional and says to the priest:

Man: Forgive me father for I have sinned. I've taken the L*rd's name
in vain.

Priest: Continue my son, what was the circumstance that led you to this
sin.

Man: I went golfing this afternoon, and I hit one of the worst slices
off the 13th and landed in a field of tall grass.

Priest: I understand my son. I play a little golf myself and find it
most frustrating.

Man: But that shot was not the problem. You see, I hit it with a nine
iron, out of the grass and into the trees.

Priest: I see, and this is when you cursed.

Man: No. I managed to hit out of the trees and onto the green in one
stroke, but it rolled off the green and into the sand trap.

Priest: Ah, and that's when you took the L*rd's name in vain.

Man: No, father. With my sand wedge, I was able to get out of the trap
in one stroke leaving the ball 4 inches from the cup.

Priest: Jesus H Christ, don't tell me you missed a 4 inch fricking putt?
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
A Jew was walking on Regent Street in London and stopped in to a posh gourmet food shoppe. An impressive salesperson in morning coat with tails approached him and politely asked, "Can I help you, Sir?"

"Yes," replied the customer, "I would like to buy a pound of lox."

No," responded the dignified salesperson, "You mean smoked salmon."

"Okay, a pound of smoked salmon."

"Anything else?"

"Yes, a dozen blintzes."

"No. You mean crepes."

"Okay, a dozen crepes."

"Anything else?"

"Yes. A pound of chopped liver."

"No. You mean pate."

"Okay," said the Jewish patron, "A pound of pate. And," he added, "I'd like you to deliver this to my house next Saturday."

"Look," retorted the indignant salesperson, "We don't schlep on Shabbos!"
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
Man robs a bank and takes hostages. He asks the first hostage if he saw him rob the bank.
Hostage answers yes. Robber shoots him in the head. Asks second hostage if he saw him rob the bank. Hostage answers no, but my wife did.


Submitted by: Renee Andert
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
I just wanted to pass some information on to you. I was watching Channel 2 this morning. They had a Dr. Edward Fujimoto from Castle Hospital on the program. He is the manager of the Wellness Program at the hospital. He was talking about dioxins and how bad they are for us. He said that we should not be heating our food in the microwave using plastic containers. This applies to foods that contain fat. He said that the combination of fat, high heat and plastics releases dioxins into the food and ultimately into the cells of the body. Dioxins are carcinogens and highly toxic to the cells of our bodies. Instead, he recommends using glass, Corning Ware, or ceramic containers for heating food. You get the same results without the dioxins.

So such things as TV dinners, and soups, etc. should be removed from the container and heated in something else. Paper isn't bad but you don't know what is in the paper. Just safer to use tempered glass, Corning Ware, etc.

He said we might remember when some of the fast food restaurants moved away from the foam containers to paper. The dioxin problem is one of the reasons.
  ... More Useful Information?