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 Jere 

jeresjokes@yahoo.com

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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
Q: How can you tell if a Blonde has been using your computer?
A: There is whiteout all over the monitor.
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
A foursome of senior golfers hit the golf course with waning enthusiasm. "These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained.

"These fairways seem to be getting longer too" said one of the others.

"The sand traps seem to be getting bigger than I remember them to be," said the third senior golfer.

After hearing enough from his senior buddies, the oldest and wisest of the four of them, at 90 years old, piped up and said, "just be thankful we’re still on the right side of the grass!"
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
A Jewish man and a Chinese man were conversing.

The Jewish man commented upon what a wise people the Chinese are.

"Yes," replied the Chinese, "Our culture is over 4,000 years old. But, you Jews are a very wise people, too."

The Jewish man replied, "Yes, our culture is over 5,000 years old."

The Chinese man was incredulous, "That's impossible," he replied. "Where did your people eat for a thousand years?
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards."
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
PICTURE THIS:
Mr. Smith was flying from San Francisco to LA. Unexpectedly the plane
stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that
there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would re-board in 30 minutes.

Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. Mr. Smith
had noticed him as he walked by and could tell the blind man had flown
before because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front
of him throughout the entire flight.

The pilot approached the blind man, and calling him by name, said "Keith,
we're in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and
stretch your legs?" Keith replied, "No thanks, but maybe the dog would like to stretch his legs".

Now, picture this:

All the people in the gate area came to a complete quiet stand still when
they look up and see the pilot walk off the plane with the Seeing Eye dog!

The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only
tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!

Have a great day and remember things aren't always as they appear.

Submitted by: Renee Andert
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
Another SCAM! Just sent to me...

Keep a watch out for people standing near you at retail stores, restaurants, grocery stores, etc., that have a cell phone in hand. With the new camera cell phones, they can take a picture of your credit card, which gives them your name, number, and expiration date.

Identification theft is one of the fastest growing scams today, and this is just another example of the means that are being used. So, be aware of your surroundings.
  ... More Useful Information?