Home | Blonde Jokes | Golf Jokes | Jewish Jokes | Lawyer Jokes | Classic Jokes | Useful Information
 Jere 

jeresjokes@yahoo.com

 Jere's Holiday
Gift Picks 
Click Here
Great Gifts for Everyone!

 CHEAPEST GAS PRICES! 
Enter your Zip Code


 Free Online Games 

 Entertainment, Travel & Science News 

 How Old Are You? 

 Get Your Weather 
Enter your Zip Code

 Movie Listings 
Enter your Zip Code


 Get Your Stocks 
Enter Symbol:


 Get Your Horoscope 
Whats Your Sign?


 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
A police officer stops a blond for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
- Drives long, and straight, and true happen only on doglegged fairways.
- Your best swings are your practice swings.
- Golfers best friends are mulligans.
- Your longest drives are on the shortest holes.
- Golf balls are considered to be part of the natural habitat of water hazards.
- Alligators and other beasts can be found in water hazards -- even in Duluth, Minn. in January
- New golf balls go deeper into the woods than old golf balls.
- Every golf course should have a vodka fountain on the roughest holes.
- When a golfer has done well on a hole, and is pleased with himself, the next three holes will be catastrophic.
- When you go to the first tee feeling confident -- go home.
- On the golf course, new golf clubs never work.
- A golfer only sinks long putts when nobody is looking.
- When people are looking, making short putts is impossible.
- The farther you are over par, the harder the putts, no matter how short.
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
Yakob was on his death bed, breathing his last. His family had gathered
around him. Through half-closed eyes and a barely audible voice he asked,

Mama--you here?

"Yes, Papa."

"Sammy--you here?"

"Yes, Papa."

"Isadore--you here?"

"Yes, Papa."

"Rosalie--you here?

"Yes, Papa."

"Rachel--you here?"

"Yes, Papa."

With his face purple with rage, and struggling to his elbows, the old man shouted, "Well, who's watching the store?"
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer.

The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least
$500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, Did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has
medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um... No."

Or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted, "Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "Leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again,"...So if I don't
give any money to them, so why should I give any to you?!?"
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
Two horses are talking, and one of them says to the other horse, “you know, during the second race, just as I was going around the curve at the far end of the track, I slipped on this muddy spot and fell down. I scraped my stomach and hurt my balls.”

“You know,” Said the second horse, “today during the fifth race, I was going around the same curve and I slipped at the same spot and scraped my stomach and hurt my balls, what a coincidence!”

A dog who just happened to be walking by turns to the horses and says “I am really sorry to interrupt, but I over heard what you 2 were saying. You see I was in the dog race today, and just as I was going around that that bend I slipped on a wet spot and scraped my stomach and hurt my balls. I just can’t believe the coincidence!”

The dog says good by and walks off, and one horse turns to the other and says “what do you know about that! A TALKING DOG!”
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
"Symptoms of Inner Peace"

* An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment

* Loss of interest in judging others

* Loss of interest in interpreting actions of others

* Loss of interest in conflict

* Loss of ability to worry

* Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation

* Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature

* Frequent attacks of smiling through the eyes from the heart

* Tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen

* Tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fear based on past experiences

* Susceptibility to love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend love.

Submitted by: B. Gasway
  ... More Useful Information?