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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman:
"I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen".

The surprised salesman replies:

"But, madam, computers do not have curtains"!!!....

And the blonde said:

"Helloooo.... I've got Windows"!!!!!
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man.

The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"

"Yes" says the woman.

"Did you hit him with that golf club?"

"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her, hands on her face.

"How many times did you hit him?"

"I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times... .just put me down for a five."
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
What's the difference between a Christian wife and a Jewish wife?

The Christian wife says: "Thank G-d you bought Viagra."

The Jewish wife says: "Thank G-d you bought Pfizer".



  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
His partners.
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
Just in case you don't understand how a "Government" program works, here is
an example:

The Night Watchman :

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a
desert.

Congress said, "Someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night
watchman position and hired a person at $18,000 a year for the job.

Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?"
So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to
write the instructions for $22,000, and one person to do time studies for an
additional $22,000 per year.

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks
correctly? So they created a Quality Control department and hired two
people. One to do the studies for $31,000 and one to write the reports for
an additional $31,000 per year.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they
created the following positions, a time keeper for $35,000 annual salary,
and a payroll officer for an additional $35,000, then hired two people.

Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So
they created an administrative section and hired three people, an
Administrative Officer at $155,000 per year, Assistant Administrative
Officer $125,000, and a Legal Secretary for an additional $100,000 per year.

Then Congress said, "We have had this operating for one year with a budget
cost of $574,000.00 and we are $18,000 over budget. We must cutback overall
cost."

So they laid off the night watchman.

Submitted by: Bob Gasway
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
Good information and recommendations...hope it helps. ----- Original Message -----Subject: Free legal advice - how to protect your identity We often forget that we too can become victims -Please take time to read the following: A corporate attorney in New York sent this out to the employees in his company. I am passing it along, for your information.

Place the contents of your wallet on a photocopy machine, do both sides of each license, credit card, etc., you will know what you had in your wallet and all of the account numbers and phone numbers to call and cancel. Keep the photocopy in a safe place.

We've all heard horror stories about fraud that's committed us in your name, address, SS#, credit, etc. Unfortunately I (the author of this piece who happens to be an attorney) have firsthand knowledge, because my wallet was stolen last month and
within a week the thieve(s) ordered an expensive monthly cell phone package, applied for a VISA credit card, had a credit line approved to buy a Gateway
computer, received a PIN number from DMV to change my driving record information online, and more. But here's some critical information to limit the
damage in case this happens to you or someone you know.

As everyone always advises, cancel your credit cards immediately, but the key is having the toll free numbers and your card numbers handy so you know whom to call. Keep those where you can find them easily. File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where it was stolen, this proves to credit providers you were diligent, and is a first step toward an investigation (if there ever is one).

But here's what is perhaps most important: (I never ever thought to do this) - Call the three national credit reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud alert on your name and SS#. I had never heard of doing that until advised by a bank that called to tell me an application for credit was made over the Internet in my name. The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your information was stolen and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new credit. By the time I was advised to do this, almost 2 weeks after the theft, all the damage had been done.

There are records of all the credit checks initiated by the thieves' purchases, none of which I knew about before placing the alert. Since then, no additional damage has been done, and the thieves threw my wallet away this weekend (someone turned it in). It seems to have stopped them in their tracks.

The numbers are:

Equifax: 1-800-525-6285
Experian (formerly TRW): 1-888-397-3742
Trans Union: 1-800-680-7289

Social Security Administration (fraud line):
1-800-269-0271
  ... More Useful Information?