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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
After having their 11th child, a Blonde couple decided that that was enough. So, the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor then noticed that he was a blonde, and instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Blonde said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
So, the couple drove to another Doctor to get a second opinion. The second physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were both Blondes. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10.
Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . ", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.
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GOLF JOKE
Hear the one about the bad tempered golfer who bought a new set of Great Big Bertha Woods. After playing with them for a couple of rounds he returned to his pro shop and told the pro that these were the best clubs he had ever played with. In fact "I can throw these clubs 40 yards further than my old ones" he told the pro.
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JEWISH JOKE
A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. "Just for fun, Ma", he says, "I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.
The young man then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry.
"She immediately replies, "The one on the right." "That's amazing, Ma! You're right. How did you know?
The Jewish mother replies "I don't like her."
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LAWYER JOKE
What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!
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CLASSIC JOKE
An old nun who was living in a convent next to a Brooklyn
construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and
decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.
She decided she would take her lunch, sit with the workers and
talk with them. She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating.
She walked up to the group and with a big smile said:
"Do you men know Jesus Christ?"
They shook their heads and looked at each other.
One of the workers looked up at the steelworks and yelled,"Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"
One of the steelworkers yelled down a "Why"?
The worker yelled back, "His wife's here with his lunch."
Submitted by: Aileen Gordon
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USEFUL INFORMATION
DOGS TEN COMMANDMENTS
1. My life is likely to last 10-15 years. Regular separation from you will be painful and can even cause depression. Think before you buy me.
2. Give me time to understand what you want from me don't be impatient, short-tempered or irritable.
3. Place your trust in me and I will always trust you back, respect is earned not given as some sort of inalienable right.
4. Don't be angry with me for long, and don't lock me up as punishment. I am not capable of understanding why I am being locked up. I only know I have been rejected. You have your work, entertainment and friends. I only have you.
5. Talk to me sometimes. Even if I don't understand your words, I do understand your tone. "You only have to look at my tail" to know that.
6. Be aware that however you treat me, I will never forget, if that treatment is unjust or bad, it may spoil the special bond between us.
7. Please do not hit me. I cannot hit back, but I can bite and scratch and I don't ever want to feel the need to do that.
8. Before you tell me off me for being uncooperative, obstinate, or lazy, ask yourself if something might be wrong with me. Perhaps I'm not getting the right food or I've been out in the sun too long, maybe my heart is getting old and weak, or maybe I'm just dog-tired.
9. Take care of me when I get old. You too will grow old and will also want care, love, and affection.
10. Go with me on difficult journeys. Never say, "I can't bear to watch" or "Let it happen in my absence". Everything is easier for me if you are there. Remember, Irrespective of what you do I will always love you..
Submitted by: Bea Rhea
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