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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
Q: How do you get a Blonde on the roof?
A: Tell her the drinks are on the house.
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
A golfer asked his friend, "Why are you so late?"

The friend replied, "It's Sunday. I had to toss a coin between going to church or playing golf and it took 25 tosses to get it right!"
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
On an elderly gentleman's 80th birthday, some of his friends decide they want to do something special for him, so they send a prostitute over to his house to have sex with him.

The prostitute knocks on the door and the 80 year old man answers. The prostitute says, "I'm here to give you super sex."

The old man's hearing isn't quite what it used to be, so he says, "What's that dearie?"

The prostitute speaks a little louder and says, "I said, I am here to give you super sex."

Again the old man asks her to repeat herself.

Very slowly, she yells, "I am here to give you super sex."

The old man finally understands and replies, "Oh, I guess I'll have the soup."
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
After completing law school and passing the bar, a man decides to open up a
private practice with one of his law school buddies as partner.

On their first day, they set up shop, and around lunchtime, the man's buddy
goes out to get them some sandwiches.

Two minutes later, a woman walks in -- their first client!

She asks him to draw up some papers and review a couple of very simple
contracts.

"That'll be $100," the man replies.

She complies, and having just gone to the bank, hands over a brand new,
crisp $100 bill.

The woman decides to leave for the next hour, leaving the man to resume his
work.

The man, relishing in his first payment as a lawyer, sits back in his brand
new, leather chair and holds the brand new, crisp $100 bill up to the light
with admiration and pride.

He sniffs the bill and starts to rub it a bit when suddenly, he discovers
that he was mistakenly given TWO $100 bills!!!

And thus, he was confronted with his first ethical dilemma as a lawyer.

Should he tell his partner?

Submitted by Renee Andert
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
The Sportsman Double

I picked up an older woman at a club last night.

She was a right sort for 67.

We drank a bit, had a bit of a conversation, and she asked if I'd ever had the Sportsman's Double.

I said I'm not sure what that was.

She said a mother and daughter three-some.

We drank a bit more, and then she says that tonight was my lucky night!

I said, "That sounds great, let's go!"

We went back to her place.

She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs:

"Mom you still awake?"

submitted by: Rene Andert
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
I thought everybody should know how to make an At Home DNA Kit for their children, grandchildren, nieces or nephews.

Creating a DNA kit of your children at home is easy and can help police find your child if he or she is ever abducted. All that's needed is a set of nail clippers, cotton swabs, a comb, gauze pads, and a freezer bag.

Rub the tip of the cotton swab inside the child's right and left cheek. Clip your child's fingernails and save the clippings. Comb through the child's hair and save some of the loose hairs in the comb. Next time the child skins his or her knee, use the gauze pad to collect and preserve some of the blood. Take all the samples, and a baby tooth if you have one, and place into a freezer bag. Seal the bag, label it, and place it in the freezer where it can be preserved for years.

Having a DNA kit should not take the place of parents keeping a watchful eye on their children.
  ... More Useful Information?