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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
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Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
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Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: Because she loved children.
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Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: A golden retriever.
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GOLF JOKE
"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy.
"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went," he answered.
"You're 75 years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?"
"He's 85, older than me and he doesn't play golf anymore," protested Jack.
"You're right, he doesn't play golf anymore but he's got perfect eyesight. He would watch the ball for you," Tracy pointed out.
The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack.
"Yup," Scott answered.
"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.
"I forgot."
Submitted by: Elmer Nance
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JEWISH JOKE
The Captain of a Syrian airliner sends out a message: This is Syrian Airlines 174 announcing we have lost an engine and want to land at any airport in the mid-east other than Israel.
No Answer
A short time later he announces, "this is Syrian Airline 174 again we have lost two engines and urgently ask permission to land at any airport in the mid-east other than Israel.
Silence
A while later the Captain announces This is Syrian Airline 174 we are desperate. We have lost three engines and need permission to land at any Airport in the mid-east other than Israel.
Still no answer
Finally, the Captain calls help this is Syrian airlines 174, we have only one engine left and it is rapidly failing. Unless we can land we are going to crash. We need permission to land at ANY airport in the mid-east including Israel.
Shortly thereafter, a voice is heard in the Syrian airline cockpit. Shalom Syrian Air 174--This is Tel Aviv Airport, we would like to help!
G-d bless you, says the Syrian pilot--What should we do?
REPEAT AFTER ME; YITGADAL, VYITKADASH
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CLASSIC JOKE
G-d grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good -fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I'm 'older' (but refuse to grow up), here's what I've discovered:
1. started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
5. All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
8. Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
14. If G-d wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
16. It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter ..I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.
submitted by: Bob Gasway
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USEFUL INFORMATION
TIPS TO COMBAT ID THEFT
1. Check your credit at freecreditreport.com
2. Be skeptical of any request by phone, in person or on line, for information about accounts or finances.
3. Keep your Social Security card in a safe place, not in your purse or wallet.
4. Buy a shredder and use it when disposing of any financial data.
5. Deposit all outgoing mail in official Postal Service Collection boxes.
6. Beware of any E-Mail asking for account information. Do not reply with your personal information.
7. Monitor personal accounts, check your bills carefully. Immediately report any inconsistencies.
8. Helpful site for parents, teachers and students: incredibleinternet.com.
9. If you become a victim, contact the Federal Trade Commission at: www.consumer.gov/idtheft or call 1-877-IDTHEFT.
10. Also remember no government agency will e-mail you asking for any personal information.
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What did the lawyer name his daughter?
