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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
A young woman said to her doctor: "You have to help me, I hurt all over."
"What do you mean?" said the doctor.
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled: "OW, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled: "OUCH! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe. "OW, even THAT hurts."
The doctor asked the woman: "Are you a natural blonde?"
"Why YES," she said.
"I thought so," said the doctor. "You have a sprained finger.
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GOLF JOKE
It was the worst round of golf that I've ever played, said Joel
All I hit were two good balls, and that was because I stepped on a rake!
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JEWISH JOKE
Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."
Then they saw a Rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation."
Then they saw a catholic Priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be quite ill."
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LAWYER JOKE
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
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CLASSIC JOKE
Two horses are talking, and one of them says to the other horse, “you know, during the second race, just as I was going around the curve at the far end of the track, I slipped on this muddy spot and fell down. I scraped my stomach and hurt my balls.”
“You know,” Said the second horse, “today during the fifth race, I was going around the same curve and I slipped at the same spot and scraped my stomach and hurt my balls, what a coincidence!”
A dog who just happened to be walking by turns to the horses and says “I am really sorry to interrupt, but I over heard what you 2 were saying. You see I was in the dog race today, and just as I was going around that that bend I slipped on a wet spot and scraped my stomach and hurt my balls. I just can’t believe the coincidence!”
The dog says good by and walks off, and one horse turns to the other and says “what do you know about that! A TALKING DOG!”
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USEFUL INFORMATION
Most of us take the summons for jury duty seriously, but enough people skip out on their civic duty, that a new and ominous kind of scam has surfaced. Fall for it and your identity could be stolen, reports CBS. In this con, someone calls pretending to be a court official who threateningly says a warrant has been issued for your arrest because you didn't show up for jury duty. The caller claims to be a jury coordinator. If you protest that you never received a summons for jury duty, the scammer asks you for your Social Security number and date of birth so he or she can verify the information and cancel the arrest warrant. Sometimes they even ask for credit card numbers. Give out any of this information and .... Bingo! Your identity has just been stolen. The scam has been reported so far in 11 states. This scam is particularly insidious because they use intimidation over the phone to try to bully peopl e into giving information by pretending they're with the court system. The FBI and the federal court system have issued nationwide alerts on their web sites, warning consumers about the fraud
Here is the link if you want to check it out. http://www.snopes.com/crime/fraud/juryduty.asp
Submitted by: Bob Gasway
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