Jere's Holiday
Gift Picks
Click Here
Great Gifts for Everyone!
|
|
| Entertainment, Travel & Science News
|
|
|
JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
|
|
|
BLONDE JOKE
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
|
... More Blonde Jokes?
|
|
|
GOLF JOKE
During the weekly Lamaze class, the instructor emphasized the importance of exercise, hinting strongly that husbands need to get out and start walking with their wives.
From the back of the room one expectant father inquired, "Would it be okay if she carries a bag of golf clubs while she walks?"
|
... More Golf Jokes?
|
|
|
JEWISH JOKE
A nice Jewish girl brings home her fiancee to meet her parents. After
dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man.
He invites the fiancee to his study for schnapps.
"So what are your plans?" the father asks the fiancee.
"I am a Torah scholar," he replies.
"A Torah scholar." the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"
"I will study," the young man replies, "and G-d will provide for us."
"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she
deserves?" asks the father.
"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "G-d will
provide for us."
"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"
"Don't worry, sir, G-d will provide," replies the fiance. The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the fiance insists that G-d will provide. Later, the mother asks "So? How did it go?"
The father answers, "He has no job and no plans.
But the good news is, he thinksI'm G-d."
Submitted by: R. Ziff
|
... More Jewish Jokes?
|
|
LAWYER JOKE
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.
The lawyer replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?"
The doctor replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds."
The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how do you start a flood?"
|
... More Lawyer Jokes?
|
|
CLASSIC JOKE
Two young boys walked into the pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and walked to the checkout counter. The man at the checkout counter ask the boy, 'Son how old are you? Eight' the boy replied.
The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'
The boy replied,' No but they aren't for me. They're for my brother. He's four. We saw on T.V. that if you use these you'd be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now he can't do either one.'
submitted by: Renee Andert
|
... More Classic Jokes?
|
|
USEFUL INFORMATION
Subject: Car Theft and your Vin #
As sad as it is this has already happened, thought you might like to know about this.
It seems that car thieves have found another way to steal your car or truck without any effort at all. The car thieves peer through the windshield of your car or truck, write down the VIN number from the label on the dash, go to the local car dealership and request a duplicate key based on the VIN number. The car dealer's parts dept will make a duplicate key from the VIN number and collect payment from the thief who will return to your car. He doesn't have to break in, do any damage to the vehicle, or draw attention to himself. All he has to do is to walk up to your car, insert the key and off he goes to a local chop shop with your vehicle.
You don't believe it?
It IS that easy.
To avoid this from happening to you, simply put some tape – electrical tape, duct tape or medical tape) across the VIN label located on the dash board. By law, you cannot remove the VIN number, but you can cover it so it can't be viewed through the windshield by a car thief.
I urge you to forward this to your friends before some other car thief steals
another car or truck.
|
... More Useful Information?
|
|
|
