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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
A blonde tried to sell his old car. But he had a lot of trouble because the car had 200,000 miles on it. One day he mentioned his problem to a brunette working in the same factory.
The brunette said to him, "There's a way to make the car saleable, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "as long as I can sell the car."
"OK," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. If you tell him I sent you, he'll turn the counter in your car back to 50,000miles. Then you shouldn't have any problem selling it."
So the following weekend the blonde made a trip to the shop. About one month after that the brunette asked the blonde: "Well, did you sell your car?"
"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It has only 50,000 miles on it."
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GOLF JOKE
The Rules Of Bedroom Golf
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally
one club and two balls.
2. Play on the course must be approved by the owner of a hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and
keep the balls out of the hole.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course
owners are permitted to check stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid
damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary
until the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately
upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally
take time to admire the course, with special attention to the well formed
bunkers.
8. Players are not to mention other courses they have played or are
currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset
course owners have been known to damage a player's equipment for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own
protection.
10. Players should assure themsleves that their match has been
properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being
played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if
they discover someone else playing on what they consider to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all
times. Some players may be embarrased if they find the course
to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely
tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of
play when in this case.
12. Players are advised to obtain owner's permission before
attempting to play the back nine.
13. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to
proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course
owner's request.
14. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to
play the same hole several time in one match.
15. The course owner will be the sole judge of who is the best player.
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JEWISH JOKE
A young Jewish Mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day
of kindergarten.
"Behave, my bubaleh" she says.
"Take good care of yourself and think about your Mother, tataleh!"
"And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh."
"Your Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!"
At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs to her son
and hugs him.
"So what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?"
The boy answers, "I learned my name is David."
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LAWYER JOKE
How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
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CLASSIC JOKE
An 80-year-old man was having an annual physical.
As the doctor listened to his heart with the stethoscope, he began to mutter, "Uh-oh."
The man asked the doctor, "What's the problem?"
"Well," said the doctor, "you have a serious heart murmur. Do you smoke?"
"No," replied the man.
"Do you drink in excess?"
"No." replied the man.
"Do you have a sex life?"
"Yes, I do!"
"Well," said the doctor, "I'm afraid that with this heart murmur, you'll have to give up half your sex life."
Perplexed, the old man thought a minute and said, "Which half -- the looking or the thinking?"
Submitted by: Margo Australia
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USEFUL INFORMATION
Your Inspiration For The Day: Instructions For A Happy Life
Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
Don't believe all you hear.
When you say, "I love you", mean it.
When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.
Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
Believe in love at first sight.
Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
Smile when picking up the phone, the caller will hear it in your voice.
Treat other's the way you want to be treated!
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