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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
A blonde goes into a store, she goes over to the deodorant display and tells the clerk "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband."

"Does he use the ball kind?" inquired the clerk.

"No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms."
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well", it was like this, said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows."

We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball . . . . . . stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake.

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
One day at kindergarten, the teacher says to the class of five year olds, "I'll give $2 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."

An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "Please miss, it was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct."

Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "Please miss, it was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry Hamish, that's not right either."

Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "Please miss, it was Jesus Christ."

The teacher said, "That's absolutely right Hymie, come up here and I'll give you your $2."

As the teacher was giving Hymie his money, she said "You know Hymie, being that you're Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ,”

To which Hymie replied, "I know, in my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business."
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
Removable wingtips.
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
An Irishman in a wheel chair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes," so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.

The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Englishman said to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, my treat.

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Redneck on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there, sweet thang, How's about gettin' me a cold glass of Coke!" He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that G-d's boy over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Redneck said to give Jesus a cold glass of coke, on my bill.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Irishman felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Englishman felt his back straightening up, and he raised up his hands, praised the L*rd and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then Jesus walked towards the Redneck. The Redneck jumped up and yelled, don't touch me......I'm drawin' disability!"
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
TIPS TO COMBAT ID THEFT



1. Check your credit at freecreditreport.com



2. Be skeptical of any request by phone, in person or on line, for information about accounts or finances.



3. Keep your Social Security card in a safe place, not in your purse or wallet.



4. Buy a shredder and use it when disposing of any financial data.



5. Deposit all outgoing mail in official Postal Service Collection boxes.



6. Beware of any E-Mail asking for account information. Do not reply with your personal information.



7. Monitor personal accounts, check your bills carefully. Immediately report any inconsistencies.



8. Helpful site for parents, teachers and students: incredibleinternet.com.



9. If you become a victim, contact the Federal Trade Commission at: www.consumer.gov/idtheft or call 1-877-IDTHEFT.



10. Also remember no government agency will e-mail you asking for any personal information.

  ... More Useful Information?