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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
A blonde tried to sell his old car. But he had a lot of trouble because the car had 200,000 miles on it. One day he mentioned his problem to a brunette working in the same factory.
The brunette said to him, "There's a way to make the car saleable, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "as long as I can sell the car."
"OK," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. If you tell him I sent you, he'll turn the counter in your car back to 50,000miles. Then you shouldn't have any problem selling it."
So the following weekend the blonde made a trip to the shop. About one month after that the brunette asked the blonde: "Well, did you sell your car?"
"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It has only 50,000 miles on it."
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GOLF JOKE
This is a true story. After hacking my way around a course with a professional golfer, I asked him what the problem was with my game. He answered coolly and casually, "It's simple, you're standing too close to your ball............after you hit it"!
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JEWISH JOKE
A guy offers to buy a drink for an attractive young woman seated at a
bar. She gives him the green light, so he goes to the end of the bar
and whispers to the bartender to make up a Martini for her and to put
some Spanish-fly in the drink.
The bartender whispers back to say he's all out of Spanish-fly and all he has left is Jewish-fly.
Shrugging his shoulders, the guy says, OK, put some of that in her drink.
As she sips on the drink, she gets more and more cozy, really warming up to the guy. Finally, she finishes the drink, leans over and whispers in his ear, .....Let's go shopping.
Submitted by: Fred Lee
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CLASSIC JOKE
A recently retired rich couple from New York City, Mr. & Mrs. George Smith now living in Boca Raton, Florida were getting ready to go out to dinner. His wife came out of the bedroom and said to Geo0rge, "Darling, do you want me to wear this Channel suit or the Gucci one?
"Do I care?" he replied.
A few minutes later his wife, again, came out of the bedroom and said to her husband, "George shall I wear my Cartier watch or my Rolex?
"Who gives a damn?" said George.
A few more minutes passed and, again, she came out of the bedroom and said to her husband, "Abe darling, shall I wear my five carat pear diamond ring or my six carat round diamond ring with the baguettes?"
To which George responded, "Hey, I really don't really care already, but if you don't get your act together real soon, we are going to miss the early bird special."
Submitted by: Alicia Risdon
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USEFUL INFORMATION
Most of us take the summons for jury duty seriously, but enough people skip out on their civic duty, that a new and ominous kind of scam has surfaced. Fall for it and your identity could be stolen, reports CBS. In this con, someone calls pretending to be a court official who threateningly says a warrant has been issued for your arrest because you didn't show up for jury duty. The caller claims to be a jury coordinator. If you protest that you never received a summons for jury duty, the scammer asks you for your Social Security number and date of birth so he or she can verify the information and cancel the arrest warrant. Sometimes they even ask for credit card numbers. Give out any of this information and .... Bingo! Your identity has just been stolen. The scam has been reported so far in 11 states. This scam is particularly insidious because they use intimidation over the phone to try to bully peopl e into giving information by pretending they're with the court system. The FBI and the federal court system have issued nationwide alerts on their web sites, warning consumers about the fraud
Here is the link if you want to check it out. http://www.snopes.com/crime/fraud/juryduty.asp
Submitted by: Bob Gasway
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?
