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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"
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GOLF JOKE
A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun.
He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it cost him another buck. His room is only a buck a
day! The day before he's to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops by the pro shop and charges a sleeve of three balls to his room.
When he's checking out the next morning, he looks at the bill and sees:
Golf: $1.00.
Dinner: $1.00
Room: $1.00
Sleeve of three golf balls: $3,000.00
Calling over to the manager, he asks, "What is this all about? Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you charged me three thousand for three golf balls?"
"I'm sorry sir," said the manager, "But you didn't read the fine print in our promotional brochure. That's what our golf balls cost."
"Well," said the man, "If I wanted to spend that kind of money, I could have gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid them a thousand dollars a day for a room. At least I would have known what I was paying for!"
"That's right sir, you could have," said the manager. "Over there they get you by the room. Over here we get you by the balls!"
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JEWISH JOKE
A Jewish man and a Chinese man were conversing.
The Jewish man commented upon what a wise people the Chinese are.
"Yes," replied the Chinese, "Our culture is over 4,000 years old. But, you Jews are a very wise people, too."
The Jewish man replied, "Yes, our culture is over 5,000 years old."
The Chinese man was incredulous, "That's impossible," he replied. "Where did your people eat for a thousand years?
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CLASSIC JOKE
A client brought a litter of golden retriever puppies to my veterinary
clinic for inoculations and worming.
As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I
realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. So, I
turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head
when I had finished.
After the fourth puppy, I noticed my talkative client had grown silent.
As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered,
"I didn't know they had to be baptized, too."
submitted by: Judy Herbst
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USEFUL INFORMATION
I thought everybody should know how to make an At Home DNA Kit for their children, grandchildren, nieces or nephews.
Creating a DNA kit of your children at home is easy and can help police find your child if he or she is ever abducted. All that's needed is a set of nail clippers, cotton swabs, a comb, gauze pads, and a freezer bag.
Rub the tip of the cotton swab inside the child's right and left cheek. Clip your child's fingernails and save the clippings. Comb through the child's hair and save some of the loose hairs in the comb. Next time the child skins his or her knee, use the gauze pad to collect and preserve some of the blood. Take all the samples, and a baby tooth if you have one, and place into a freezer bag. Seal the bag, label it, and place it in the freezer where it can be preserved for years.
Having a DNA kit should not take the place of parents keeping a watchful eye on their children.
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How many lawyer jokes are there?
