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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
When the blonde saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), at the movie theater she went home and got 16 friends!!!
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GOLF JOKE
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.
"Well", it was like this, said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows."
We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball . . . . . . stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake.
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"
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JEWISH JOKE
JEWISH PRINCIPLES
The optimist sees the bagel, the pessimist sees the hole.
If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.
No one looks good in a yarmulke.
Why spoil a good meal with a big tip?
Twenty percent off is a bargain; fifty percent off is a mitzvah.
There's nothing like a good belch.
Never pay retail.
It's always a bad hair day if you're bald.
If your name was Lipschitz, you'd change it too.
The most important word to know in any language is sale.
Where there's smoke, there may be smoked salmon.
A schemata is a dress that your husband's ex is wearing.
Before you read the menu, read the prices.
What business is a yenta in? Yours.
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CLASSIC JOKE
A WOMAN'S RANDOM THOUGHTS
1) If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will always be
yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. But, if
it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food,
uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free....... You either married it or gave birth to it.
2) Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an
aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
3) My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
4) The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
5) The nice part about living in a small town: When you don't know what
you're doing, someone else always does.
6) Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
7) Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
8) Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it
shrinks two sizes!
9) They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body,
how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as
a bell my body said, "Listen fatty ... do it and die."
10) I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are
eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding?
That's my idea of a perfect day.
Submitted by: Bob Gasway
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USEFUL INFORMATION
TIPS TO COMBAT ID THEFT
1. Check your credit at freecreditreport.com
2. Be skeptical of any request by phone, in person or on line, for information about accounts or finances.
3. Keep your Social Security card in a safe place, not in your purse or wallet.
4. Buy a shredder and use it when disposing of any financial data.
5. Deposit all outgoing mail in official Postal Service Collection boxes.
6. Beware of any E-Mail asking for account information. Do not reply with your personal information.
7. Monitor personal accounts, check your bills carefully. Immediately report any inconsistencies.
8. Helpful site for parents, teachers and students: incredibleinternet.com.
9. If you become a victim, contact the Federal Trade Commission at: www.consumer.gov/idtheft or call 1-877-IDTHEFT.
10. Also remember no government agency will e-mail you asking for any personal information.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
