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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
Blonde Medical Terminology

Anally -- occurring yearly
Artery -- study of paintings
Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria
Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarean section -- district in Rome
Cat scan -- searching for kitty
Cauterise -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- sheep dog
Coma -- a punctuation mark
Congenital -- friendly
D&C -- where Washington is
Diarrhea -- journal of daily events
Dilate -- to live long
Enema -- not a friend
Fester -- quicker
Fibula -- a small lie
Genital -- non-Jewish
G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- suitcase
Hangnail -- coathook
Impotent -- distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- torture in a teepee
Labour pain -- got hurt at work
Medical staff -- doctor's cane
Morbid -- higher offer
Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate
Node -- was aware of
Outpatient -- person who had fainted
Pap smear -- fatherhood test
Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- letter carrier
Protein -- favouring young people
Rectum -- damn near killed 'em
Recovery room -- place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- amorous
Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- study of knighthood
Tablet -- small table
Terminal illness -- sickness at airport
Tibia -- country in North Africa
Tumour -- an extra pair
Urine -- opposite of you're out
Varicose -- located nearby
Vein -- conceited
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
Near the end of a particularly trying round of golf, during which the golfer had hit numerous fat shots, he said in frustration to his caddy, "I'd move heaven and earth to break a hundred on this course."

"Try heaven," said the caddy. "You've already moved most of the earth."
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
A conversation with a Jewish mother

- Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?

- You're going out?

- Yes,

- With whom?

- With a friend.

- I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man.

- I didn't leave him. He left me!

- You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies.

- I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids?

- I never left you to go out with anybody except your father.

- There are lots of things that you did and I don't.

- What are you hinting at?

- Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight.

- You're going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out?

- My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he
left me, he probably never slept alone!

- So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place?

- He's not a loser.

- A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and
a parasite.

- I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not?

- Poor children with such a mother.

- Such as what?

- With no stability. No wonder your husband left you.

- ENOUGH!

- Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too!

- Now you're worried about the loser?

- Ah, so you see he's a loser. I spotted him immediately.

- Good-bye, mother.

- Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over?

- I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out!

- If you never go out, how do you ever expect to meet anyone
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
A retiree’s week

QUESTION: What do you do all week?

Answer: Mon to Fri. Nothing, Sat & Sun I rest!


Submitted by: Millicent Berger
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
Today's Message of the Day is:

Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.

Submitted by: Rene Andert
  ... More Useful Information?