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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
After the first week of sex education class, a young shapely blonde teen stormed out of the room after the class was over.
Encountering a female friend in the hall, the friend asked, "what in the world is the matter with you?"
"You look as if you're about to kill someone."
"I am!!!" the blonde fumed. "You just wait until I catch up with that Dennis. All summer long, that clown had me convinced that 'fore play' involved tossing a coin for position."
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GOLF JOKE
A golfer asked his friend, "Why are you so late?"
The friend replied, "It's Sunday. I had to toss a coin between going to church or playing golf and it took 25 tosses to get it right!"
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JEWISH JOKE
Yakob was on his death bed, breathing his last. His family had gathered
around him. Through half-closed eyes and a barely audible voice he asked,
Mama--you here?
"Yes, Papa."
"Sammy--you here?"
"Yes, Papa."
"Isadore--you here?"
"Yes, Papa."
"Rosalie--you here?
"Yes, Papa."
"Rachel--you here?"
"Yes, Papa."
With his face purple with rage, and struggling to his elbows, the old man shouted, "Well, who's watching the store?"
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LAWYER JOKE
What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
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CLASSIC JOKE
DEAD GIVEAWAYS
You live in California when . . .
-You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
-The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
-The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
-You know how to eat an artichoke.
-You drive to your neighborhood block party.
-When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it
will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
You live in New York when . . .
-You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
-You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
-You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus
Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
-You think Central Park is "nature."
-You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language
makes you multi-lingual.
-You've worn out a car horn.
-You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
You live in Alaska when . . .
-You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Tabasco.
-Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
-You have more than one recipe for moose.
-Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
-The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.
You live in the South when . . .
-You get a movie and bait in the same store.
-"ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.
-After a year you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are ya?"
-"He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
-You allow your 13-year-old daughter to: smoke... at the table.... in
front of her children.... while pregnant.
-All your relatives have the same last name.
-Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Fay Nell
You live in Colorado when . . .
-You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
-You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops
at the day care.
-A pass does not involve a football or dating.
-The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
-Your bridal registry is at REI.
You live in the Midwest when . . .
-You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
-Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
-You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
-You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you
go to the mall...I wanna go with."
-When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different".
You live in Florida when...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people
6. You don't know how to vote.
Submitted by: Alicia Risdon
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USEFUL INFORMATION
This might be a lifesaver if we can remember the three questions!
IS IT A STROKE?
Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, this lack of awareness can spell disaster. The stroke victim may suffer brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.
Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:
Ask the individual to smile.
Ask him or her to raise both arms.
Ask the person to speak a simple sentence.
If he or she has trouble with any of these tasks, call 9-1-1 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.
After discovering that a group of non-medical volunteers could identify facial weakness, arm weakness and speech problems, researchers urged the general public to learn the three questions. They presented their conclusions at the American Stroke Association's annual meeting last February. Widespread use of this test could result in prompt diagnosis and treatment of the stroke and prevent brain damage.
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