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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
An old blacksmith realized it was time to quit working so hard, so he picked out a strong young blonde man to become his apprentice.

The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the blonde young man. "Just do whatever I tell you to do."

One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard."

Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith!
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
Anyone for Golf?

I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

I've spent most of my life golfing. The rest I've just wasted.

They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.

Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five.

Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.

Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

It's good sportsmanship not to pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill-adapted for the purpose.

Gone golfin' ... be back about dark thirty.

The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

Submitted by: Elmer Nance
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
The Captain of a Syrian airliner sends out a message: This is Syrian Airlines 174 announcing we have lost an engine and want to land at any airport in the mid-east other than Israel.

No Answer
A short time later he announces, "this is Syrian Airline 174 again we have lost two engines and urgently ask permission to land at any airport in the mid-east other than Israel.

Silence

A while later the Captain announces This is Syrian Airline 174 we are desperate. We have lost three engines and need permission to land at any Airport in the mid-east other than Israel.

Still no answer

Finally, the Captain calls help this is Syrian airlines 174, we have only one engine left and it is rapidly failing. Unless we can land we are going to crash. We need permission to land at ANY airport in the mid-east including Israel.

Shortly thereafter, a voice is heard in the Syrian airline cockpit. Shalom Syrian Air 174--This is Tel Aviv Airport, we would like to help!

G-d bless you, says the Syrian pilot--What should we do?

REPEAT AFTER ME; YITGADAL, VYITKADASH
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
His partners.
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
Retirees: The Whole Truth, Nothing But...

Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.

Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answers: They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answers: The never ending Coffee Break.

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to
ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably
more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so
remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best
friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry
because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you
love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've
never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute
of happiness you'll never get back.

Submitted by: Matthew G.
  ... More Useful Information?