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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
Q: How do you get a blonde to stay in the shower?
A: Give her a bottle of shampoo that says "Wash, rinse, and repeat."
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GOLF JOKE
Two friends went out golfing and their tee shots were
horrible. One guy hit it way left, the other way right. They decided that
the shots were so bad that they would just meet up at the hole. So the
first guy looks and looks and finds his ball sitting down deep
in a field of beautiful Buttercups. So he promptly pulls out his
7 iron and starts whacking away.
Buttercups are flying everywhere but the ball won't come out.
Well, finally Mother Nature got mad. She came up from the ground
and said to the man "I've created this beautiful field of Buttercups
and you have no respect for them at all, now they are ruined. I'm
going to have to punish you. Since these are Buttercups your
punishment is that you cannot have butter for a year".
Well the man started to laugh and goes back to whacking at
the Buttercups.
Mother Nature said " Hey! this is no laughing matter. What do
you find so funny?" The man and said "My buddy is over on
the other side in the Pussywillows"
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JEWISH JOKE
A British Jew is waiting on line to be knighted by the Queen.
He is to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his
turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows
in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder:
Ma nishtana ha layla ha zeh mi kol ha laylot.
Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers, Why is this knight different from all other knights?
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LAWYER JOKE
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?
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CLASSIC JOKE
A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid eighties).
The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
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USEFUL INFORMATION
Good information and recommendations...hope it helps. ----- Original Message -----Subject: Free legal advice - how to protect your identity We often forget that we too can become victims -Please take time to read the following: A corporate attorney in New York sent this out to the employees in his company. I am passing it along, for your information.
Place the contents of your wallet on a photocopy machine, do both sides of each license, credit card, etc., you will know what you had in your wallet and all of the account numbers and phone numbers to call and cancel. Keep the photocopy in a safe place.
We've all heard horror stories about fraud that's committed us in your name, address, SS#, credit, etc. Unfortunately I (the author of this piece who happens to be an attorney) have firsthand knowledge, because my wallet was stolen last month and
within a week the thieve(s) ordered an expensive monthly cell phone package, applied for a VISA credit card, had a credit line approved to buy a Gateway
computer, received a PIN number from DMV to change my driving record information online, and more. But here's some critical information to limit the
damage in case this happens to you or someone you know.
As everyone always advises, cancel your credit cards immediately, but the key is having the toll free numbers and your card numbers handy so you know whom to call. Keep those where you can find them easily. File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where it was stolen, this proves to credit providers you were diligent, and is a first step toward an investigation (if there ever is one).
But here's what is perhaps most important: (I never ever thought to do this) - Call the three national credit reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud alert on your name and SS#. I had never heard of doing that until advised by a bank that called to tell me an application for credit was made over the Internet in my name. The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your information was stolen and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new credit. By the time I was advised to do this, almost 2 weeks after the theft, all the damage had been done.
There are records of all the credit checks initiated by the thieves' purchases, none of which I knew about before placing the alert. Since then, no additional damage has been done, and the thieves threw my wallet away this weekend (someone turned it in). It seems to have stopped them in their tracks.
The numbers are:
Equifax: 1-800-525-6285
Experian (formerly TRW): 1-888-397-3742
Trans Union: 1-800-680-7289
Social Security Administration (fraud line):
1-800-269-0271
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