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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
Two blondes went deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree.

After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said, "I'm chopping down the next tree I see. I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
Dedicated Golfer

The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs by his side. She said, "What are your golf clubs doing here?"

He looked her right in the eye--and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
These two Jewish men are sitting in a wonderful deli frequented almost exclusively by Jews in the Jewish section of town. They are talking amongst themselves in Yiddish. A Chinese waiter comes up and in fluent and impeccable Yiddish asks them if everything is okay can he get them anything and so forth. The Jewish men are dumbfounded. "My G-d where did he learn such perfect Yiddish?" they both think. After they pay the bill they ask the manager of the store an old friend also fluent in Yiddish "Where did our waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish?"

The owner looks around and leans in so no else one will hear and says "Shhhh. He thinks we're teaching him English."
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side.

The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"My G-d!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?"

Submitted by: Bob Gasway
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake."

Submitted by: Bob Gasway
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
Kings in a deck of cards

King of Spades: King David

King of Hearts: Charlemagne always with Ermine Coat

King of Diamonds: Julius Caesar always in profile, with hand extended

King of Clubs: Alexander the Great always holds orb

Submitted by: JRZ
  ... More Useful Information?