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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
The Baltimore Police Department, famous for its superior K-9 unit,was somewhat taken back by this recent incident.
Returning home from work, a Blonde lady was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the woman ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps, put her face in her hands and moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a blind policeman!"
Submitted by: Scrubman
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GOLF JOKE
A foursome of senior golfers hit the golf course with waning enthusiasm. "These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained.
"These fairways seem to be getting longer too" said one of the others.
"The sand traps seem to be getting bigger than I remember them to be," said the third senior golfer.
After hearing enough from his senior buddies, the oldest and wisest of the four of them, at 90 years old, piped up and said, "just be thankful we’re still on the right side of the grass!"
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JEWISH JOKE
A young Jewish Mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day
of kindergarten.
"Behave, my bubaleh" she says.
"Take good care of yourself and think about your Mother, tataleh!"
"And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh."
"Your Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!"
At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs to her son
and hugs him.
"So what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?"
The boy answers, "I learned my name is David."
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LAWYER JOKE
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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CLASSIC JOKE
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim." If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"
"You're going to die," she replied!
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USEFUL INFORMATION
1. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by
ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the
bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight".
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a
month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law
with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their
calendar as lunar based, this period was called the honey month or what
we know today as the honeymoon.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3. Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked
into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a
refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is
the phrase inspired by this practice.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
4. In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only
Ladies Forbidden.... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English
language.
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