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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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GOLF JOKE
Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Woods turns to Wonder and says, "How's the singing career going?"
Stevie Wonder replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"
Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that going right now."
Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right."
Tiger says, "You play golf?"
Wonder says, "Oh, yes, I've been playing for years."
Woods says, "But you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?"
Wonder replies, "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball toward him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball toward his voice."
"But how do you putt?" asks Woods.
"Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground, and I just play the ball toward his voice."
Woods asks, "What's your handicap?"
Stevie says, "Well, I'm a scratch golfer."
Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."
Wonder replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole."
Woods thinks about it and says, "OK, I'm game for that, when would you like to play?"
Stevie says, "Pick a night."
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JEWISH JOKE
HOW TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE
Question 1) How do you know when you are at an Orthodox Jewish Wedding?
Answer: The mother of the bride is pregnant.
Question 2) How do you know when you are at a Conservative Jewish Wedding?
Answer: The bride is pregnant.
Question 3) How do you know when you are at a Reform ? Jewish Wedding?
Answer: The rabbi is pregnant.
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LAWYER JOKE
What should you do if you find a lawyer buried up to his neck in cement?
Get more cement.
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CLASSIC JOKE
You might be a geek if...
You know what http:// stands for.
You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys.
You see a good design and still have to change it.
You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
You still own a slide rule and you know how to use it.
You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep, or they're just equalizing air pressure on both sides of their eardrums.
You window shop at Radio Shack.
You're both in the back-seat of your car, she's looking wistfully at the moon, and you're trying to locate a geosynchronous satellite.
Your laptop computer costs more than your car.
Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
You've already calculated how much you make per second.
You've tried to repair a $5 radio.
You bought your wife a new CD ROM drive for her birthday.
You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
You can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting.
You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards in the chairs to see how they do the special effects.
You have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.
You have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
The salespeople at the local computer store can't answer any of your questions.
You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling.
Submitted by: Jim Brown
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USEFUL INFORMATION
Another SCAM! Just sent to me...
Keep a watch out for people standing near you at retail stores, restaurants, grocery stores, etc., that have a cell phone in hand. With the new camera cell phones, they can take a picture of your credit card, which gives them your name, number, and expiration date.
Identification theft is one of the fastest growing scams today, and this is just another example of the means that are being used. So, be aware of your surroundings.
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