Home | Blonde Jokes | Golf Jokes | Jewish Jokes | Lawyer Jokes | Classic Jokes | Useful Information
 Jere 

jeresjokes@yahoo.com

 Jere's Holiday
Gift Picks 
Click Here
Great Gifts for Everyone!

 CHEAPEST GAS PRICES! 
Enter your Zip Code


 Free Online Games 

 Entertainment, Travel & Science News 

 How Old Are You? 

 Get Your Weather 
Enter your Zip Code

 Movie Listings 
Enter your Zip Code


 Get Your Stocks 
Enter Symbol:


 Get Your Horoscope 
Whats Your Sign?


 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
Q: What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
A: Oh look, daddy ... doughnut seeds.
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
Two women are playing golf on a sunny afternoon when one of them slices her shot into a foursome of men. To her horror, one of the men collapses in agony with both hands in his crotch. She runs to him apologizing profusely, explaining that she is a physical therapist and can help ease his pain.

"No thanks... just give me a few minutes... I'll be fine..." he replies quietly with his hands still between his legs. Taking it upon herself to help the poor man, she gently undoes the front of his pants and starts massaging his genitals.

"Doesn't that feel better?" she asks.

"Well... yes... That feels pretty good," he admits.

"But my thumb still hurts like hell."
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
THE PROOF THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH:

1. He went into his father's business.
2. He lived at home until the age of 33.
3. He was sure his mother was a virgin,
4. His mother was sure he was God.
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
A true story: A convicted con man was recently found to be impersonating a lawyer in New York City.

To which one judge remarked, "I should have suspected he wasn't a lawyer. He was always so punctual and polite."
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a great time for women. Just last week Oprah had a whole show on how great menopause will be... Puhleeeeeeeze! I've had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you. Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just pushing your luck) you'll probably relate.


1-Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

2-In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

3-Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around.

4-Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless.

5-Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too."

6-Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones.

7-Mid-life is when you look at your-know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: "For this I have stretch marks?"

8-In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can retain is water.

9-Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally -- more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin.

10-Mid-life means that you become more reflective...You start pondering the "big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now, for the body you had way back when? Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired. That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!

Submitted by: Renee Andert
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
Your Inspiration For The Day: Instructions For A Happy Life

Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

Don't believe all you hear.

When you say, "I love you", mean it.

When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.

Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

Believe in love at first sight.

Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

Smile when picking up the phone, the caller will hear it in your voice.

Treat other's the way you want to be treated!
  ... More Useful Information?