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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
She was so Blonde
- she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats
- under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics"
- she tried to drown a fish
- she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK"
- if you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back
- she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept
- she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store
- if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless
- she studied for a blood test
- she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train
- she sold the car for gas money
- when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved
- she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill
- when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead
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GOLF JOKE
Avid golfer
Joe was teeing off the first hole, from the back tees. On his downswing, he suddenly realized that his wife, Mary was about to tee off from the red tees, directly in his path.
Unable to stop his down swing, he nailed the ball, hitting Mary in the right temple, killing her instantly.
A few days later, Joe received a call from the coroner, concerning her autopsy.
“Joe, your wife seems to have died from blunt force trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and struck her in the temple; Is that correct?”
“Yes Sir,” Joe replied, “that’s correct.”
"Well Joe, I also found a large bruise on Mary’s right hip. Do you know anything about that?"
"Yes Sir," Joe said, "That would have been my mulligan."
Submitted by: Renee Andert
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JEWISH JOKE
Q: What's the difference between a Jewish Mother and a Rottweiler?
A: Eventually the Rottweiler lets go.
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LAWYER JOKE
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side.
The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.
Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.
When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
"My G-d!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?"
Submitted by: Bob Gasway
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CLASSIC JOKE
The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.
"You don't want to try these techniques at home."
"Why not?" asked someone from the back of the audience.
"Well, I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time.
'Hon,' I suggested, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"
The voice from the back asked, "Did it save time?"
The expert replied, "Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get my breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven."
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USEFUL INFORMATION
Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason.
If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.'
submitted by: Bob Gasway
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