Jere's Holiday
Gift Picks
Click Here
Great Gifts for Everyone!
|
|
| Entertainment, Travel & Science News
|
|
|
JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
|
|
|
BLONDE JOKE
A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired two new dogs, and
asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was
named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HelOOOooo," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"
|
... More Blonde Jokes?
|
|
|
GOLF JOKE
A young woman, who happened to be blonde, had been taking golf lessons.
She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a
bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the
clubhouse for help and to complain.
Her golf teacher, who also happened to be blonde, saw her come into the
clubhouse and asked, "Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee," she said.
"Where," the blonde golf teacher asked.
"Between the first and second hole," she moaned.
The golf instructor nodded knowingly and said, "You're standing with
your legs too far apart."
Submitted by: Fred Lee
|
... More Golf Jokes?
|
|
|
JEWISH JOKE
Walking through San Francisco's Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry."
"Moishe Plotnik?" he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?" So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry?"
The old man answers, "Is name of owner."
The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?"
"Me is right here," replies the old man.
"You? How did you ever get a name like Moishe Plotnik?"
"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front is Jewish gentleman from Poland.
Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?'
He say, 'Moishe Plotnik.' Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?' I say, 'Sam Ting.'"
|
... More Jewish Jokes?
|
|
LAWYER JOKE
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher claimed that the bull must have been hit by the train, and wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.
As soon as the rancher showed up, the attorney for the railroad pulled him aside and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.
After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"
The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that darned bull came home this morning."
|
... More Lawyer Jokes?
|
|
CLASSIC JOKE
A man is sitting on his front stoop staring morosely at the ground when his neighbour strolls over. The neighbour tries to start a conversation several times, but the older man barely responds. Finally, the neighbour asks what the problem is.
"Well," the man says, "I ran afoul of one of those questions women ask. Now I'm in the doghouse."
"What kind of question?" the neighbour asks.
"My wife asked me if I would still love her when she was old, fat and ugly."
"That's easy," says the neighbour. "You just say, 'Of course I will'".
"Yeah," says the other man, "that's what I meant to say. But what came out was, 'Of course I do.'"
|
... More Classic Jokes?
|
|
USEFUL INFORMATION
Kings in a deck of cards
King of Spades: King David
King of Hearts: Charlemagne always with Ermine Coat
King of Diamonds: Julius Caesar always in profile, with hand extended
King of Clubs: Alexander the Great always holds orb
Submitted by: JRZ
|
... More Useful Information?
|
|
|
