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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
A blonde bought two horses and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut off the tail of one horse, which worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. The second horse's tail tore in the same place and looked exactly like the other horse's tail. Our blonde friend was stuck again.

The neighbor then suggested that she notch the ear of one horse, which worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again, our blonde friend couldn't tell the two horses apart.

The neighbor then suggested that she measure the horses for height. When she did that, the blonde was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one.
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
Avid golfer

Joe was teeing off the first hole, from the back tees. On his downswing, he suddenly realized that his wife, Mary was about to tee off from the red tees, directly in his path.

Unable to stop his down swing, he nailed the ball, hitting Mary in the right temple, killing her instantly.

A few days later, Joe received a call from the coroner, concerning her autopsy.

“Joe, your wife seems to have died from blunt force trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and struck her in the temple; Is that correct?”

“Yes Sir,” Joe replied, “that’s correct.”

"Well Joe, I also found a large bruise on Mary’s right hip. Do you know anything about that?"

"Yes Sir," Joe said, "That would have been my mulligan."

Submitted by: Renee Andert
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
Way back in the time of the samurai, there was a powerful emperor. This emperor needed a new head samurai. So, he sent out a message to everybody he knew, that he needed a samurai.

A year passes, and only three people show up: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai. The emperor asks the Japanese samurai to come in and show why he should be head samurai. The Japanese samurai opens up a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces! The emperor says, "That is very impressive!"

Then the emperor asks the Chinese samurai to come in and show why he should be head samurai. The Chinese samurai opens up a matchbox and out pops a little fly. WHOOOSH. WOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces! The emperor says, "That is really impressive!"

Then the emperor asks the Jewish samurai to come in and show why he should be head samurai. The Jewish samurai thinks, "If it works for the other two..." So the Jewish samurai walks in, opens a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHH. A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still buzzing around. The emperor says in disappointment, "Why is the fly not dead?"

And the Jewish samurai replies, "If you look closely, you'll see that the fly has been circumcised."
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
A lawyer in a small firm had just finished advising a client on a business matter. The fee for the advice was $100 and the client gave the lawyer a folded up $100 bill.

After the client left, the lawyer unfolded the bill and realized that the client had accidentally given him two $100 bills.

Now he was faced with a true moral dilemma: Should he share the extra $100 with his partners?

Submitted by: Matthew G.
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"

submitted by: Elmer Nance
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
A Friend Is Someone

Who Reaches For Your

Hand But Touches Your Heart

"The Only Way To Have A Friend Is To Be One."

submitted by: Elmer Nance
  ... More Useful Information?