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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
There was this beautiful blonde, about 24 years old, in one of the new convertibles driving hell bent for leather down the road. She was soon
being followed by a highway patrol car siren screaming. This went on for several miles until the girl suddenly turned into a service area screeched to a stop and rushed into the woman's rest room.
"Now we've got her," chortled on cop. moments later she walked back to her convertible and the waiting policeman. Smiling a beautiful smile she looked at him demurely and said, "I bet you thought I wouldn't make it didn't you?"
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GOLF JOKE
Joel had tried to be particularly careful about his language as he played golf with his Rabbi. But on the 9th hole, when twice failed to hit out of the sand trap, he lost it and let loose with several expletives.
The Rabbi felt obliged to respond. I have noticed, he said in a calm voice, that the best golfers do not use foul language.
I guess not, said Joel, what the hell do they have to swear about?
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JEWISH JOKE
Three guys, a Canadian, an Iraqi and an Israeli are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
"I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POUF' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
The Iraqi was amazed, so he said; "I want a wall around Iraq, so that no infidels and Jews can come into our precious state."
Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POUF' there was a huge wall around Iraq.
Izzy Goldberg, the Israeli asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 200 feet high, 100 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out."
Izzy says, ... "Fill it up with water."
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LAWYER JOKE
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass? he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food. the poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then."
"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"
"Bring them along! And you, come with us too! he said to the other man.
"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered.
"Bring them as well!"
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall."
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CLASSIC JOKE
A woman was sitting at a bar, enjoying an after work drink with her girlfriends, when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely* sexy, young
man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her.
Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely* anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20 - on one* condition."
Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The woman considered his proposition for a moment, then slowly removed from her purse a $20 note, which she pressed into the young man's hand, along with her address.* She looked deeply into his eyes and slowly, meaningfully whispered...... "Clean my house."
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USEFUL INFORMATION
"Symptoms of Inner Peace"
* An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment
* Loss of interest in judging others
* Loss of interest in interpreting actions of others
* Loss of interest in conflict
* Loss of ability to worry
* Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation
* Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature
* Frequent attacks of smiling through the eyes from the heart
* Tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen
* Tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fear based on past experiences
* Susceptibility to love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend love.
Submitted by: B. Gasway
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