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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
An old blacksmith realized it was time to quit working so hard, so he picked out a strong young blonde man to become his apprentice.
The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the blonde young man. "Just do whatever I tell you to do."
One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard."
Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith!
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GOLF JOKE
- Drives long, and straight, and true happen only on doglegged fairways.
- Your best swings are your practice swings.
- Golfers best friends are mulligans.
- Your longest drives are on the shortest holes.
- Golf balls are considered to be part of the natural habitat of water hazards.
- Alligators and other beasts can be found in water hazards -- even in Duluth, Minn. in January
- New golf balls go deeper into the woods than old golf balls.
- Every golf course should have a vodka fountain on the roughest holes.
- When a golfer has done well on a hole, and is pleased with himself, the next three holes will be catastrophic.
- When you go to the first tee feeling confident -- go home.
- On the golf course, new golf clubs never work.
- A golfer only sinks long putts when nobody is looking.
- When people are looking, making short putts is impossible.
- The farther you are over par, the harder the putts, no matter how short.
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JEWISH JOKE
Sometime in the 1960's, a shipment of meat arrives in a town in the Soviet Union. The townspeople line up at the town store to
wait to be given their rations.
After about an hour, a man comes out of the store and announces, "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you, but there isn't enough meat for everyone, so the Jews have to leave." The Jews in the line leave grumbling.
Another hour later, the man comes out of the store and announces, "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you this, but there isn't enough meat for everyone, so anyone who is not a member of the Communist Party has to leave." More grumbling as the non-Party members depart.
Another hour goes by and the man comes out of the store again and announces, "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you this, but there isn't enough meat for everyone in line, so anyone who wasn't a member of the Party before 1956 has to leave." More grumbling as all the younger Party members leave. A few old people remain in the line.
Another hour goes by. It's now getting dark and it's cold. The same man comes out of the store and announces, "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you this, but there isn't any meat. Go home."
An old lady in line turns to her neighbor and says, "See? It's like I told you. The Jews always get treated best!"
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LAWYER JOKE
How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
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CLASSIC JOKE
Ten things you should never say to a woman during an argument ...
1. Don't you have some laundry to do or something?
2. Ooooh, you are so cute when you get all pissed off.
3. You're just upset because your ass is beginning to spread.
4. Wait a minute...I get it. What time of the month is it?
5. You sure you don't want to consult the great Oprah on this one?
6. Sorry. I was just picturing you naked.
7. Whoa, time out honey. Football is on.
8. Looks like someone had an extra bowl of Bitch Flakes this morning.
9. Is there any way we can do this via e-mail?
10. Who are you kidding? We both know that thing ain't loaded.
Submitted by: MAG
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USEFUL INFORMATION
Your Inspiration For The Day: Instructions For A Happy Life
Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
Don't believe all you hear.
When you say, "I love you", mean it.
When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.
Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
Believe in love at first sight.
Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
Smile when picking up the phone, the caller will hear it in your voice.
Treat other's the way you want to be treated!
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