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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
Blonde in a Car
A blonde walked into a gas station and said to the manager, ''I locked my keys in my car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?''
''Why sure,'' said the manager, ''we have something that works especially well for that.''
A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing and he heard another voice. ''No, no! A little to the left,'' said the other blonde inside the car.
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GOLF JOKE
One day a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.
"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So, he tied her up and went golfing.
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JEWISH JOKE
President Clinton was very curious about how the Jewish people knew everything before him. So he called the CIA and FBI and asked them to
figure it out.
One week later they came back and said, "Mr. President, the Jews have something called shabbat, and they meet each other at the synagogue, and there is a code. They sit, they pray, and there is a word that is the key to this secret: 'Nu?' When one says to other, 'Nu?' the other tells him everything, every bit of news."
This Clinton wanted to see for himself. The secret service dressed him like a Hassid, and taught him to read from the right to the left of
the siddur. Clinton arrived at a synagogue on shabbat, and sat beside another religious man. He waited for an moment, and said, "Nu?"
The man answered, "Shh, Clinton is coming!"
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LAWYER JOKE
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut but the barber refused saying, "I cannot accept money from you, for you are a good man - you do G-d's work."
The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.
A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment saying, "I cannot accept money from you, for you are a good man - you protect the public."
The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.
A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment saying, "I cannot accept money from you, for you are a good man - you serve the justice system."
The next morning the barber found a dozen more lawyers waiting for a haircut.
Submitted by: Scrubman
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CLASSIC JOKE
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF ...
Your Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your brother-in-law
You let your 12 year old daughter smoke at the table...in front of her children
You hid last year's Easter eggs under cow patties
You've been married 3 times...and still have the same in-laws
You think a woman is "out of your league" if she bowls on a different night
Jack Daniel's makes your list of "Most Admired People"
You think Genitalia is an Italian airline
You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean
Anyone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!"
You've got more than one brother named Darryl
You think Dom Perignon is a member of the Mafioso
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a daycare
You think the last words of The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen,
start your engines"
You once lit a match in your bathroom and blew your house right off its wheels
You take a six-pack to church
The bluebook Value of your truck varies, depending upon how much gas it
has in the tank
You have to go outside to get something out of the "fridge"
One of your kids was born on a pool table
You need one more hole punched in your card for a freebie at the House
of Tattoos
You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard
Ya can't git married to yor sweetheart 'cause there's a law again' it
You dated one of your parent's spouses in high school
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk
Your school's fight song is "Dueling Banjos"
Your toilet paper had page numbers on it
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USEFUL INFORMATION
Kings in a deck of cards
King of Spades: King David
King of Hearts: Charlemagne always with Ermine Coat
King of Diamonds: Julius Caesar always in profile, with hand extended
King of Clubs: Alexander the Great always holds orb
Submitted by: JRZ
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