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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her.
She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room.
"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
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GOLF JOKE
The Rules Of Bedroom Golf
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally
one club and two balls.
2. Play on the course must be approved by the owner of a hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and
keep the balls out of the hole.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course
owners are permitted to check stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid
damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary
until the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately
upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally
take time to admire the course, with special attention to the well formed
bunkers.
8. Players are not to mention other courses they have played or are
currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset
course owners have been known to damage a player's equipment for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own
protection.
10. Players should assure themsleves that their match has been
properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being
played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if
they discover someone else playing on what they consider to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all
times. Some players may be embarrased if they find the course
to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely
tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of
play when in this case.
12. Players are advised to obtain owner's permission before
attempting to play the back nine.
13. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to
proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course
owner's request.
14. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to
play the same hole several time in one match.
15. The course owner will be the sole judge of who is the best player.
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JEWISH JOKE
A man's son was about four years old.
The young boy had just come home from Hebrew school. His father asked him what he'd learned that day.
The boy was quiet for a moment and then said, "Dad, have any of the men in our family had their penises criticized?"
The wife cracked up and told him the term was "circumcised", but the answer was still "Yes."
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LAWYER JOKE
What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!
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CLASSIC JOKE
"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and
you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"
"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment You on your new alligator
shoes and you're barefoot.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker
opens the garage door.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as
you don't have to go along.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead
of by the police.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any
fiber today.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.
submitted by: Aileen Gordon & Sharon Cohen
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USEFUL INFORMATION
Gift Cards
Well the crooks have found a way to rob you of your gift card balance.
If you buy Gift Cards from a display rack that has various store cards you may become a victim of theft. Crooks are now jotting down the card numbers in the store and then wait a few days and call to see how much of a balance they have on the card. Once they find the card is "activated", they go online and start shopping.
You may want to purchase your card from a customer service person, where they do not have the Gift Cards viewable to the public.
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