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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
Two blondes went deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree.
After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said, "I'm chopping down the next tree I see. I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"
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GOLF JOKE
A group of four married guys met for a Saturday A.M. tee time. On the first tee, one man said "I am thrilled to be out on the course, it's been a while, but it will really cost me. I had to promise I would paint the entire house next weekend in order to come here today. "The second man replied "You think that's bad, I have to build a deck all around our pool. "The third guy jumped into conversation with "You both got off easy, I have to remodel the kitchen".
After the first three holes, the three men who complained realized the fourth
had been silent when they were discussing their problems, and one asked "Hey,
you didn't say anything about what you had to promise your wife to be able to
play golf today, what gives? "He said he did not have to do anything. The
others were confused and asked him to explain his secret. He said "It was
easy, I just set my alarm clock for 5:00 AM. When the alarm went off, I rolled
over and nudged my wife and asked her "Golf course or intercourse?" and she said "Don't forget your sunscreen."
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JEWISH JOKE
Insuring Success
This older Jewish man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to receive the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.
“Yes Dad, what is it?”
“Don’t be nervous, do your best and just remember if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.
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LAWYER JOKE
A man walks into a bar.
He sees a beautiful, well-dressed woman sitting on a barstool alone.
He walks up to her and says, "Hi there, how's it going tonight?"
She turns to him, looks him straight in the eyes and says, "I'll screw anybody, any time, any where, any place, it doesn't matter to me."
The guy raises his eyebrows and says, "No kidding? What law firm do you work for?"
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CLASSIC JOKE
Old ageism's?!
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
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Don't let anyone tell you you're getting old. Squash their toes with your rocker!
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The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
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Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
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Maturity means being emotionally and mentally healthy, it is that time when you know when to say yes and when to say no, and when to say "WHOOPEE!"
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How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
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When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
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You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
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I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
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The golden years are really metallic years, gold in the tooth, silver in your hair and most of all lead in the pants..
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Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18.
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One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
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Age seldom arrives smoothly or quickly. It is more often a succession of jerks.
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Yah; being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
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Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled, and bald they don't recognize you.
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If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper, then ... oh my goodness you forget to pull your zipper down!
submitted by: An Olde Phart
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USEFUL INFORMATION
1. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by
ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the
bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight".
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2. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a
month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law
with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their
calendar as lunar based, this period was called the honey month or what
we know today as the honeymoon.
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3. Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked
into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a
refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is
the phrase inspired by this practice.
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4. In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only
Ladies Forbidden.... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English
language.
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