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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
Q: How can you tell if a Blonde has been using your computer?
A: There is whiteout all over the monitor.
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GOLF JOKE
Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Woods turns to Wonder and says, "How's the singing career going?"
Stevie Wonder replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"
Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that going right now."
Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right."
Tiger says, "You play golf?"
Wonder says, "Oh, yes, I've been playing for years."
Woods says, "But you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?"
Wonder replies, "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball toward him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball toward his voice."
"But how do you putt?" asks Woods.
"Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground, and I just play the ball toward his voice."
Woods asks, "What's your handicap?"
Stevie says, "Well, I'm a scratch golfer."
Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."
Wonder replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole."
Woods thinks about it and says, "OK, I'm game for that, when would you like to play?"
Stevie says, "Pick a night."
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JEWISH JOKE
A woman in Israel went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Chanukah cards.
"What denomination?" asked the clerk.
"Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" replied the woman. "Well, give me 50 Conservative, 2 Orthodox, and 37 Reform ones.
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LAWYER JOKE
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
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CLASSIC JOKE
How To Know You're Growing Older"
-Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
-The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
-You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.
-Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.
-You get winded playing chess.
-Your children begin to look middle aged.
-You finally reach the top of the ladder, and find it leaning against the wrong wall.
-You join a health club and don't go.
-You begin to outlive enthusiasm.
-You decide to procrastinate but then never get around to it.
-Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.
-You need glasses... to find your teeth.
-A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.
-You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
-You look forward to a dull evening.
-You walk with your head held high trying to get use to your bifocals.
-Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 Years Ago Today."
-You turn out the light for economic rather than romantic reasons.
-You sit in a rocking chair and can't make it go.
-Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
-You regret all those mistakes resisting temptation.
-You stop looking forward to your next birthday.
-After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying a second coat.
-Dialing long distance wears you out.
-You're startled the first time you are addressed as "Old Timer."
-You remember today that yesterday was your wedding anniversary.
-You just can't stand people who are intolerant.
-You burn the midnight oil after 9 p.m..
-Your back goes out more than you do.
-A fortune teller offers to read your face.
-The little gray haired lady you helped across the street is your wife.
-You get exercise acting as a pallbearer for your friends who exercise.
-You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
-Your sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
-You go to the beauty shop so they can touch up those gray hairs...on your chin.
-When you go to get your hair cut...in your ears.
-When you don't know where the mustache ends and the nose hair begins.
-When Maalox is your after dinner drink.
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USEFUL INFORMATION
Subject: Microwave Warning
I was very glad to get this email from a friend, because I have been guilty of heating water in a microwave many times. You'll be glad you read it. I also suggest passing it along to friends and family.
About five days ago, my 26-year-old son decided to have a cup of instant coffee. He took a cup of water and put it in the microwave to heat it up (something that he had done numerous times before). I am not sure how long he set the timer for but he told me he wanted to bring the water to a boil.
When the timer shut the oven off, he removed the cup from the oven. As he looked into the cup he noted that the water was not boiling. Then instantly the water in the cup "blew up" into his face.
The cup remained intact until he threw it out of his hand but all the water had flown out into his face due to the buildup of energy. His whole face is blistered and he has 1st and 2nd degree burns to his face, which may leave scarring. He may also have lost partial sight in his left eye.
While at the hospital, the doctor who was attending to him stated that this is a fairly common occurrence and water alone, should never be heated in a microwave oven. If water is heated in this manner, something such as a wooden stir stick or a tea bag should be placed in the cup to diffuse the energy.
Here is what our science teacher has to say on the matter:
"Thanks for the microwave warning. I have seen this happen before. It is caused by a phenomenon known as super heating. It can occur any time water is heated and will particularly occur if the vessel that the water is heated in is new.
What happens is that the water heats faster than the vapor bubbles can form. If the cup is very new then it is unlikely to have small surface scratches inside it that provide a place for the bubbles to form. As the bubbles cannot form and release some of the heat that has built up, the liquid does not boil, and the liquid continues to heat up well past its boiling point. What then usually happens is that the liquid is bumped or jarred, which is just enough of a shock to cause the bubbles to rapidly form and expel the hot liquid. The rapid formation of bubbles is also why a carbonated beverage spews when opened after having been shaken.
Please pass this on to everyone you know, it could save a lot of pain and suffering.
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