Jere's Holiday
Gift Picks
Click Here
Great Gifts for Everyone!
|
|
| Entertainment, Travel & Science News
|
|
|
JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
|
|
|
BLONDE JOKE
A blonde woman went out to her mailbox and looked in it, closed it again, and then went back into her house. A few minutes later, she went out and looked in the mailbox again, then closed it and went back inside, once again empty-handed.
After several more trips, a watchful neighbor raking his grass commented, "You must be expecting a very important letter today!"
"No," the blonde woman answered, looking puzzled, "Actually I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail!"
|
... More Blonde Jokes?
|
|
|
GOLF JOKE
One mid-afternoon on a sunny day, a golfer teed up his ball. After a few practice swings, he steps up to his ball and gets ready to drive the first hole. Just before he swings, a woman in a wedding gown comes running up from the parking lot. She's got tears streaming down her face. Just as she reaches the raised tee, she screams out, "I can't believe it! How could you do that?" The golfer calmly takes a swing and drives the ball straight down the fairway. He looks at the woman, as he puts his driver back in his bag and says, "Hey...I said `only if it's raining"
|
... More Golf Jokes?
|
|
|
JEWISH JOKE
Talmudic Logic
The Priest met his friend, the Rabbi, and says to him You have taught me many things but there is one thing in particular I want to learn very much, but you do not wish to teach it to me. I want you to teach me the Talmud.
The Rabbi replied: You are a Non-Jew and you have the brain of a Non-Jew. There is no chance that you will succeed in understanding the Talmud. But the Priest continued in his attempt to persuade the Rabbi to teach him the Talmud. Finally, the Rabbi agreed. The Rabbi then said to the Priest: I agree to teach you the Talmud on condition that you answer one question. The Priest agreed and asked the Rabbi , What is the Question? The Rabbi then said to the Priest:
Two men fall down through the chimney. One comes out dirty and the other comes out clean. Who of those two goes to wash up? Very Simple, replied the Priest. The one who is dirty goes to wash up but the one who is clean does not go to wash up. The Rabbi then said to the Priest:
I told that that you will not succeed in understanding the Talmud. The exact opposite happened. The clean one looks at the dirty one and thinks that he is also dirty, and goes to wash up. The dirty one, on the other hand, looks at the clean one and thinks that he is also clean and, therefore, does not go to wash up.
The Priest then says to the Rabbi: This I did not think of. Ask me, please another question. The Rabbi then says to the Priest: Two men fall down through the chimney. One comes out dirty and the other comes out clean. Who of these two goes to wash up? The Priest then says to the Rabbi: Very simple. The clean one looks at the dirty one and thinks he is also dirty and goes to wash up. The dirty one, on the other hand, looks at the clean one and thinks that he is also clean and therefore does not go to wash up.
The Rabbi then says to the Priest: I told you that you will not understand. The clean one looks into the mirror, sees that he is clean and, therefore, does not go to wash up. The dirty one looks into the mirror, sees that he is dirty and goes to wash up.
The Priest complains to the Rabbi, But you did not tell me that that there is a mirror there. The Rabbi then tells the Priest: I told you. You are a Non-Jew, and with your brain you will not succeed in understanding the Talmud. According to the Talmud, you have to think of all the possibilities.
All right, groaning, said the Priest to the Rabbi. Let us try once more. Ask me one more question.
For the last time, said the Rabbi to the Priest, Two men fall through the chimney. One came out dirty and the other came out clean. Who of these two went to wash up?"
That is very simple! replied the Priest. If there is no mirror there the clean one will look at the dirty one and will think that he is also dirty and will, therefore, go to wash up. The dirty one will look at the clean one and will think that he is also clean, and will, therefore, not go to wash up.
If there is a mirror there, the clean one will look into the mirror and will, therefore, not go to wash up. The dirty one will look into the mirror and will see that he is dirty and will, therefore go to wash up.
The Rabbi then says to the Priest: I told that you will not succeed in understanding. Tell me: How is it possible for two men to fall through a chimney and one comes out dirty and the other comes out clean?
|
... More Jewish Jokes?
|
|
LAWYER JOKE
How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
|
... More Lawyer Jokes?
|
|
CLASSIC JOKE
"Are you a little girl or a little boy?"
"I don't know," replied the other baby giggling.
"What do you mean, you don't know?" said the first baby.
"I mean I don't know how to tell the difference," was the reply.
"Well, I do," said the first baby chuckling. "I'll climb into your crib and find out."
He carefully maneuvered himself into the other baby's crib, then quickly disappeared beneath the blankets. After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with a big grin on his face.
"You're a little girl, and I'm a little boy," he said proudly.
"You're so clever," cooed the baby girl, "but how can you tell?"
"It's easy really," replied the baby boy, "you've got pink booties and I've got blue ones."
|
... More Classic Jokes?
|
|
USEFUL INFORMATION
Today's Message of the Day is:
Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.
Submitted by: Rene Andert
|
... More Useful Information?
|
|
|
