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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
The Baltimore Police Department, famous for its superior K-9 unit,
was somewhat taken back by this recent incident.
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on all channels and a K-9 unit
patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
The K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a tight leash.
The woman ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and
his dog, then sat down on the steps, put her face in her hands and
moaned.........
"I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for
help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman
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GOLF JOKE
A lawyer drags in from a day on the golf course looking wasted.
His wife asks, "What's the matter?"
"My partner, Henry, dropped dead on the fifth green," the lawyer
replied. "That's terrible," said his wife.
"You'd better believe it," the lawyer said. "After that it was nothing
but hit the ball and drag Henry. Hit the ball and drag Henry...."
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JEWISH JOKE
A British Jew is waiting on line to be knighted by the Queen.
He is to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his
turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows
in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder:
Ma nishtana ha layla ha zeh mi kol ha laylot.
Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers, Why is this knight different from all other knights?
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LAWYER JOKE
How are an apple and a lawyer alike?
They both look good hanging from a tree.
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CLASSIC JOKE
The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands!
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Have some more chocolate.
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USEFUL INFORMATION
DOGS TEN COMMANDMENTS
1. My life is likely to last 10-15 years. Regular separation from you will be painful and can even cause depression. Think before you buy me.
2. Give me time to understand what you want from me don't be impatient, short-tempered or irritable.
3. Place your trust in me and I will always trust you back, respect is earned not given as some sort of inalienable right.
4. Don't be angry with me for long, and don't lock me up as punishment. I am not capable of understanding why I am being locked up. I only know I have been rejected. You have your work, entertainment and friends. I only have you.
5. Talk to me sometimes. Even if I don't understand your words, I do understand your tone. "You only have to look at my tail" to know that.
6. Be aware that however you treat me, I will never forget, if that treatment is unjust or bad, it may spoil the special bond between us.
7. Please do not hit me. I cannot hit back, but I can bite and scratch and I don't ever want to feel the need to do that.
8. Before you tell me off me for being uncooperative, obstinate, or lazy, ask yourself if something might be wrong with me. Perhaps I'm not getting the right food or I've been out in the sun too long, maybe my heart is getting old and weak, or maybe I'm just dog-tired.
9. Take care of me when I get old. You too will grow old and will also want care, love, and affection.
10. Go with me on difficult journeys. Never say, "I can't bear to watch" or "Let it happen in my absence". Everything is easier for me if you are there. Remember, Irrespective of what you do I will always love you.
submitted by: Bea Rhea
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