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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT".
After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home.
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GOLF JOKE
Joel had tried to be particularly careful about his language as he played golf with his Rabbi. But on the 9th hole, when twice failed to hit out of the sand trap, he lost it and let loose with several expletives.
The Rabbi felt obliged to respond. “ I have noticed,” he said in a calm voice, “that the best golfers do not use foul language.”
“I guess not,” said Joel, “what the hell do they have to swear about?”
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JEWISH JOKE
Subject: Judaism in a nutshell
"Short summary of every Jewish Holiday:
They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat."
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LAWYER JOKE
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher claimed that the bull must have been hit by the train, and wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.
As soon as the rancher showed up, the attorney for the railroad pulled him aside and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.
After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"
The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that darned bull came home this morning."
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CLASSIC JOKE
A WOMAN'S RANDOM THOUGHTS
1) If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will always be
yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. But, if
it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food,
uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free....... You either married it or gave birth to it.
2) Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an
aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
3) My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
4) The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
5) The nice part about living in a small town: When you don't know what
you're doing, someone else always does.
6) Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
7) Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
8) Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it
shrinks two sizes!
9) They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body,
how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as
a bell my body said, "Listen fatty ... do it and die."
10) I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are
eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding?
That's my idea of a perfect day.
Submitted by: Bob Gasway
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USEFUL INFORMATION
"Symptoms of Inner Peace"
* An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment
* Loss of interest in judging others
* Loss of interest in interpreting actions of others
* Loss of interest in conflict
* Loss of ability to worry
* Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation
* Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature
* Frequent attacks of smiling through the eyes from the heart
* Tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen
* Tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fear based on past experiences
* Susceptibility to love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend love.
Submitted by: B. Gasway
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