Home | Blonde Jokes | Golf Jokes | Jewish Jokes | Lawyer Jokes | Classic Jokes | Useful Information
 Jere 

jeresjokes@yahoo.com

 Jere's Holiday
Gift Picks 
Click Here
Great Gifts for Everyone!

 CHEAPEST GAS PRICES! 
Enter your Zip Code


 Free Online Games 

 Entertainment, Travel & Science News 

 How Old Are You? 

 Get Your Weather 
Enter your Zip Code

 Movie Listings 
Enter your Zip Code


 Get Your Stocks 
Enter Symbol:


 Get Your Horoscope 
Whats Your Sign?


 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked
her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was
ironing a shirt and the phone rang -- but instead of picking
up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."

"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ... what
happened to your other ear?"

"The jerk called back."
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
A foursome of senior golfers hit the golf course with waning enthusiasm. "These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained.

"These fairways seem to be getting longer too" said one of the others.

"The sand traps seem to be getting bigger than I remember them to be," said the third senior golfer.

After hearing enough from his senior buddies, the oldest and wisest of the four of them, at 90 years old, piped up and said, "just be thankful we’re still on the right side of the grass!"
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
One of the richest Jewish men on the East Coast of the US had to go into the hospital for a week. So he booked himself into one of the best hospitals in the whole USA. Within a couple of days he moved to a small downtown Brooklyn hospital. One of the doctors in this hospital asked what was wrong with the first hospital.

"Was the medical care not good enough?"

"No - the medical care was the best available. I couldn't complain".

"Was the nursing care OK"

"Yes - the nursing care was brilliant. I couldn't complain"

"What about the food and the wards?"

"The food was cordon bleu, fantastic, and the hospital rooms were perfect. I couldn't complain".

"So why did you leave there for here" the doctor asked.

"Here, I can complain!"
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?
They're both extinct.
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual 4th of
July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter.

"This baked ham is really delicious," the Priest teased the Rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don't know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?"

The Rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, "At your wedding."




submitted by: Elmer Nance
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
MIGHTY FINE ADVICE IN THESE WORDS

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, 'I love you ,' mean it.

FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson !

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship...

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY.. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.



submitted by: Jeff G.
  ... More Useful Information?