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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
An overweight blonde sees her doctor about a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 10 pounds," the doctor instructed.
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 30 pounds.
"Why that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."
"From hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping."
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GOLF JOKE
Two golfers were sitting at the 19th hole discussing their games this year when one says to the other, " My game is so bad this year I had to have my Ball Retriever REGRIPPED !"
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JEWISH JOKE
One of the richest Jewish men on the East Coast of the US had to go into the hospital for a week. So he booked himself into one of the best hospitals in the whole USA. Within a couple of days he moved to a small downtown Brooklyn hospital. One of the doctors in this hospital asked what was wrong with the first hospital.
"Was the medical care not good enough?"
"No - the medical care was the best available. I couldn't complain".
"Was the nursing care OK"
"Yes - the nursing care was brilliant. I couldn't complain"
"What about the food and the wards?"
"The food was cordon bleu, fantastic, and the hospital rooms were perfect. I couldn't complain".
"So why did you leave there for here" the doctor asked.
"Here, I can complain!"
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CLASSIC JOKE
Three Rednecks were working on a cell phone tower-Cooter, Pete and K.C. As they start their descent Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Pete says, "Well, damn,
someone should go and tell his wife."
KC says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.
Pete says, "Where did you get that beer, KC?"
"Cooter's wife gave it to me," KC replies.
"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and
she gave you beer?"
Well, not exactly", KC says. "When she answered the door, I said
to her, You must be Cooter's widow'."
She said, " You must be mistaken, I'm not a widow.".... then I
said "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are."
Rednecks Are Good At Sensitive Stuff!
Submitted by: Aileen Gordon
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USEFUL INFORMATION
ALABAMA ... Was the first place to have 9-1-1, started in 1968.
ALASKA ... One out of every 64 people has a pilot's license.
ARIZONA ... Is the only state in the continental U.S. that doesn't follow Daylight Savings Time.
ARKANSAS ... Has the only active diamond mine in the U.S.
CALIFORNIA ... Its economy is so large that if it were a country, it would rank seventh in the entire world.
COLORADO ... In 1976 it became the only state to turn down the Olympics.
CONNECTICUT ... The Frisbee was invented here at Yale University.
hmm what a claim to fame!
DELAWARE ... Has more scientists and engineers than any other state.
FLORIDA ... At 759 square miles, Jacksonville is the largest city in America.
GEORGIA ... It was here, in 1886, that pharmacist John Pemberton made the first vat of Coca-Cola.
HAWAII ... Hawaiians live, on average, five years longer than residents in any other state. Cause they hula!
IDAHO ... TV was invented in Rigby, Idaho, in 1922.
ILLINOIS ... The Chicago River is dyed green every St. Patrick's Day.
INDIANA ... Home to Santa Claus, Indiana, which get a half million letters to Santa every year.
IOWA ... Winnebagos get their name from Winnebago County. Also, it is the only state that begins with two vowels.
KANSAS ... Liberal, Kansas, has an exact replica of the house in The Wizard of Oz.
KENTUCKY ... Has more than $6 billion in gold underneath Fort Knox.
LOUISIANA ... Has parishes instead of counties because they were originally Spanish church units.
MAINE .. It's so big, it covers as many square miles as the other five New England states combined.
MARYLAND ... The Oujia board was created in Baltimore in 1892.
MASSACHUSETTS ... The Fig Newton is named after Newton, Massachusetts.
MICHIGAN ... Fremont, home to Gerber, is the baby food capital of the world.
MINNESOTA ... Bloomington's Mall of America is so big, if you spent 10 minutes in each store, you'd be there nearly four days.
MISSISSIPPI ... President Teddy Roosevelt refused to shoot a bear here. That's how the teddy bear got its name.
MISSOURI ... Is the birthplace of the ice cream cone.
MONTANA ... A sapphire from Montana is the Crown Jewels of England.
NEBRASKA ... More triplets are born here than in any other state.
NEVADA ... Has more hotel rooms than any other place in the world.
NEW HAMPSHIRE ... Birthplace of Tupperware, invented in 1938 by Earl Tupper.
NEW JERSEY ... Has the most shopping malls in one area in the world.
NEW MEXICO ... Smokey the Bear was rescued from a 1950 forest fire here.
NEW YORK ... Is home to the nation's oldest cattle ranch, started in 1747 in Montauk.
NORTH CAROLINA ... Home of the first Krispy Kreme doughnut.
NORTH DAKOTA ... Rigby, North Dakota, is the exact geographic center of North America.
OHIO ... The hot dog was invented here in 1900.
OKLAHOMA ... The grounds of the state capital are covered by operating oil wells.
OREGON ... Has the most ghost towns in the country.
PENNSYLVANIA ... The smiley, :) was first used in 1980 by computer scientists at Carnegie Mellon University.
RHODE ISLAND .. The nation's oldest bar, the White Horse Tavern, opened here in 1673.
SOUTH CAROLINA ... Sumter County is home to the world's largest gingko farm.
SOUTH DAKOTA ... Is the only state that's never had an earthquake.
TENNESSEE ... Nashville's Grand Ole Opry is the longest running live radio show in the world.
TEXAS ... Dr. Pepper was invented in Waco back in 1885.
UTAH ... The first Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant opened here in 1952.
VERMONT ... Montpelier is the only state capital without a McDonald's.
VIRGINIA ... Home of the world's largest office building, the Pentagon.
WASHINGTON ... Seattle has twice as many college graduates as any other state.
WASHINGTON D.C. ... Was the first planned capital in the world.
WEST VIRGINIA .. Had the world's first brick paved street, Summers Street, laid in Charleston in 1870.
WISCONSIN ... The ice cream sundae was invented here in 1881 to get around Blue Laws prohibiting ice cream from being sold on Sundays.
WYOMING ... Was the first state to allow women to vote.
Submitted by: Renee Andert
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