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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
Male Bashing

He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . . You wear under pants don't you?



He said . . .Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I
sit on the sofa and fart!



He said . . . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . . .Turn sideways and look in the mirror!



He said . . . Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said . . . I would but you're never there.



On a wall in a ladies room . . . "My husband follows me everywhere"
Written just below it . . . " I do not"



Q. How many honest, intelligent,! caring men in the world does it take to do
the dishes?
A. Both of them.



Q. Why did the man cross the road?
A. He heard the chicken was a slut.



Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A. They don't have time.



Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
A. They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.



Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer.



Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A. The bonds mature.



Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.



Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A.. We don't know; it has never happened.



Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.



Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A.. A widow.



Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.



Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A. They're married.



Man says to G-d: "G-d, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
G-d says: "So you would love her."
"But G-d," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
G-d says: "So she would love you."
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
It was the worst round of golf that I've ever played, said Joel
All I hit were two good balls, and that was because I stepped on a rake!
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
Three bubbes sitting on a park bench.

The first one lets out a heartfelt "Oy!"

A few minutes later, the second bubbe sighs deeply and says "Oy vey!"

A few minutes after that, the third lady brushes away a tear and moans, "Oy veyizmir!"

To which the first bubbe replies: "I thought we agreed we weren't going to talk about our children!"
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?
Another lawyer.
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
Three tortoises, Mick, Andy and Roy, decide to go on a picnic. Mick
packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is that
the picnic site is ten miles away So, it takes them ten days to get there.

When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer. "Ok Roy give me
the bottle opener"

"I didn't bring it" says Roy "I thought you packed it" Mick gets
worried, he turns to Andy, "Did you bring the bottle opener?" Naturally Andy
didn't bring it.

So they're stuck ten miles from home without a bottle opener. Mick and
Andy beg Roy to go back for it. But he refuses as he says they will eat
all the sandwiches. After two hours, and after they have sworn on their
tortoise lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees.

So Roy sets off down the road at a steady pace.

20 days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Andy are starving, but
a promise is a promise. Another 5 days and he still isn't back, but a
promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it any longer so they take
out a sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it, Roy pops up
from behind a rock and shouts, "I KNEW IT'......I'M NOT GOING!"

Submitted by: Renee Andert
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
A Friend Is Someone

Who Reaches For Your

Hand But Touches Your Heart

"The Only Way To Have A Friend Is To Be One."

submitted by: Elmer Nance
  ... More Useful Information?