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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
A Blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her index finger blown off. "How did this happen?", the doctor asked.
"Well I was trying to commit suicide," the Blonde replied.
"Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?"
"No, silly! First I put the gun between my breasts and I thought, I just paid $100,000 for these. Then I put it in my mouth and I thought, I just paid $24,000 to get my teeth straightened. So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought, this is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger."
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GOLF JOKE
Supposedly, this is posted at a golf club in Scotland
1. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart
2. Form a loose grip.
3. Keep your head down!
4. Avoid a quick backswing.
5. Stay out of the water.
6. Try not to hit anyone.
7. If you are taking too long, let others go ahead of you!
8. Don’t stand directly in front of others.
9. Quiet please, while others are preparing.
10. Don’t take extra strokes!
11. Well done, now flush the urinal, wash your hands, go outside and tee off!
Submitted by: Jim Brown
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JEWISH JOKE
A man's son was about four years old.
The young boy had just come home from Hebrew school. His father asked him what he'd learned that day.
The boy was quiet for a moment and then said, "Dad, have any of the men in our family had their penises criticized?"
The wife cracked up and told him the term was "circumcised", but the answer was still "Yes."
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LAWYER JOKE
A lawyer in a small firm had just finished advising a client on a business matter. The fee for the advice was $100 and the client gave the lawyer a folded up $100 bill.
After the client left, the lawyer unfolded the bill and realized that the client had accidentally given him two $100 bills.
Now he was faced with a true moral dilemma: Should he share the extra $100 with his partners?
Submitted by: Matthew G.
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CLASSIC JOKE
Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to
feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.
One day Bill didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured
maybe he had a cold or something. But after Bill hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Bill lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.
A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill, but one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! --there sat Bill! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?'
Bill replied, 'I have been in jail.'
'Jail?' cried Sam. 'What in the world for?'
'Well,' Bill said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometime go?'
'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?'
'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pled 'guilty' and the judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'
submitted by: Bob Gasway
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USEFUL INFORMATION
TIPS TO COMBAT ID THEFT
1. Check your credit at freecreditreport.com
2. Be skeptical of any request by phone, in person or on line, for information about accounts or finances.
3. Keep your Social Security card in a safe place, not in your purse or wallet.
4. Buy a shredder and use it when disposing of any financial data.
5. Deposit all outgoing mail in official Postal Service Collection boxes.
6. Beware of any E-Mail asking for account information. Do not reply with your personal information.
7. Monitor personal accounts, check your bills carefully. Immediately report any inconsistencies.
8. Helpful site for parents, teachers and students: incredibleinternet.com.
9. If you become a victim, contact the Federal Trade Commission at: www.consumer.gov/idtheft or call 1-877-IDTHEFT.
10. Also remember no government agency will e-mail you asking for any personal information.
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