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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
I've had enough of this...
A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door Neighbor's dog.It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.
The blonde jumps up out of bed and says "I've had enough of this". She Goes downstairs.
The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says "The dog is Still barking, what have you been doing?"
The blonde says "I've put the dog in our backyard, let's see how they like it .
submitted by: Elmer Nance
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GOLF JOKE
Wife to husband, "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married."
"Of course I do, my dear--it was the day I sank that thirty-foot putt."
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JEWISH JOKE
The first Jewish President calls his mother in Queens and invites her for Purim .
"I'd like to," she says, "but it's so much trouble... First, I have to get a cab to the airport, and I hate waiting on Queens Boulevard..."
"Mom!" he tells her, "I'm the President! You won't need a cab. I'll send a limo."
"That would be nice, but I'll still have to get my ticket at the airport... And try to get a seat on the plane... And I hate sitting in the middle..."
"Mom! I'm the President of the United States! I'll send Air Force One!"
"Yes, well, but when we land, I'll still have to carry my luggage through the airport... And try to find a cab... And you know what holiday crowds are like..."
"Mom! I'll have a helicopter pick you up! You'll go straight from the plane to my front lawn!"
"I don't know... I'd still need a hotel room. And hotels are so expensive... And they're not like they once were..."
"Ma! You'll stay at the White House!"
"Well..." She thinks. "I guess. All right," she sighs. "I'll come...for you."
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LAWYER JOKE
After completing law school and passing the bar, a man decides to open up a
private practice with one of his law school buddies as partner.
On their first day, they set up shop, and around lunchtime, the man's buddy
goes out to get them some sandwiches.
Two minutes later, a woman walks in -- their first client!
She asks him to draw up some papers and review a couple of very simple
contracts.
"That'll be $100," the man replies.
She complies, and having just gone to the bank, hands over a brand new,
crisp $100 bill.
The woman decides to leave for the next hour, leaving the man to resume his
work.
The man, relishing in his first payment as a lawyer, sits back in his brand
new, leather chair and holds the brand new, crisp $100 bill up to the light
with admiration and pride.
He sniffs the bill and starts to rub it a bit when suddenly, he discovers
that he was mistakenly given TWO $100 bills!!!
And thus, he was confronted with his first ethical dilemma as a lawyer.
Should he tell his partner?
Submitted by Renee Andert
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CLASSIC JOKE
A skeleton walks into a bar and says "Bartender, give me a beer. And a mop.
Submitted by: Jerry Branson
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USEFUL INFORMATION
I thought everybody should know how to make an At Home DNA Kit for their children, grandchildren, nieces or nephews.
Creating a DNA kit of your children at home is easy and can help police find your child if he or she is ever abducted. All that's needed is a set of nail clippers, cotton swabs, a comb, gauze pads, and a freezer bag.
Rub the tip of the cotton swab inside the child's right and left cheek. Clip your child's fingernails and save the clippings. Comb through the child's hair and save some of the loose hairs in the comb. Next time the child skins his or her knee, use the gauze pad to collect and preserve some of the blood. Take all the samples, and a baby tooth if you have one, and place into a freezer bag. Seal the bag, label it, and place it in the freezer where it can be preserved for years.
Having a DNA kit should not take the place of parents keeping a watchful eye on their children.
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