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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
She was so Blonde
- she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats

- under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics"

- she tried to drown a fish

- she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK"

- if you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back

- she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept

- she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store

- if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless

- she studied for a blood test

- she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train

- she sold the car for gas money

- when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved

- she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill

- when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Woods turns to Wonder and says, "How's the singing career going?"

Stevie Wonder replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"

Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that going right now."

Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right."

Tiger says, "You play golf?"

Wonder says, "Oh, yes, I've been playing for years."

Woods says, "But you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?"

Wonder replies, "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball toward him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball toward his voice."

"But how do you putt?" asks Woods.

"Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground, and I just play the ball toward his voice."

Woods asks, "What's your handicap?"

Stevie says, "Well, I'm a scratch golfer."

Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."

Wonder replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole."

Woods thinks about it and says, "OK, I'm game for that, when would you like to play?"

Stevie says, "Pick a night."
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
Four Jewish ladies, at a resort in the Catskills, were in rockers on the veranda and admiring the scenery.

After a while the first woman sighed, "Oy!"

The others sighed sympathetically.

Then the second woman sighed, "Oy Vey!"

The others nodded.

A third woman said, "Oy, Gottenyu!"

The others nodded as if in agreement. Finally, the fourth woman said, "Enough talk about the children. Let's go for a walk!"
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side.

The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"My G-d!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?"

Submitted by: Bob Gasway
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?"

"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language, things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home... Please mama!"

Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?"

"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed they're just too awful!

Come get me, please!" "Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset....
Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"

Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama...words like DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK...!

  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
Another SCAM! Just sent to me...

Keep a watch out for people standing near you at retail stores, restaurants, grocery stores, etc., that have a cell phone in hand. With the new camera cell phones, they can take a picture of your credit card, which gives them your name, number, and expiration date.

Identification theft is one of the fastest growing scams today, and this is just another example of the means that are being used. So, be aware of your surroundings.
  ... More Useful Information?