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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
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GOLF JOKE
This is a true story. After hacking my way around a course with a professional golfer, I asked him what the problem was with my game. He answered coolly and casually, "It's simple, you're standing too close to your ball............after you hit it"!
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JEWISH JOKE
Walking through San Francisco's Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry."
"Moishe Plotnik?" he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?" So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry?"
The old man answers, "Is name of owner."
The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?"
"Me is right here," replies the old man.
"You? How did you ever get a name like Moishe Plotnik?"
"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front is Jewish gentleman from Poland.
Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?'
He say, 'Moishe Plotnik.' Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?' I say, 'Sam Ting.'"
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CLASSIC JOKE
A client brought a litter of golden retriever puppies to my veterinary
clinic for inoculations and worming.
As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I
realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. So, I
turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head
when I had finished.
After the fourth puppy, I noticed my talkative client had grown silent.
As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered,
"I didn't know they had to be baptized, too."
submitted by: Judy Herbst
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USEFUL INFORMATION
Most of us take the summons for jury duty seriously, but enough people skip out on their civic duty, that a new and ominous kind of scam has surfaced. Fall for it and your identity could be stolen, reports CBS. In this con, someone calls pretending to be a court official who threateningly says a warrant has been issued for your arrest because you didn't show up for jury duty. The caller claims to be a jury coordinator. If you protest that you never received a summons for jury duty, the scammer asks you for your Social Security number and date of birth so he or she can verify the information and cancel the arrest warrant. Sometimes they even ask for credit card numbers. Give out any of this information and .... Bingo! Your identity has just been stolen. The scam has been reported so far in 11 states. This scam is particularly insidious because they use intimidation over the phone to try to bully peopl e into giving information by pretending they're with the court system. The FBI and the federal court system have issued nationwide alerts on their web sites, warning consumers about the fraud
Here is the link if you want to check it out. http://www.snopes.com/crime/fraud/juryduty.asp
Submitted by: Bob Gasway
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