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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with a blonde co-worker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red.

She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing DRIVING?"
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
A golfer asked his friend, "Why are you so late?"

The friend replied, "It's Sunday. I had to toss a coin between going to church or playing golf and it took 25 tosses to get it right!"
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
Isaac Weiss, a married man, goes to the shul and tells the Rabbi, "I had an affair with a woman - almost."

The Rabbi says, "What do you mean, 'almost'?"

Isaac says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."

The Rabbi replies, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to go near that woman again. Now, pray for forgiveness and put $50 in the 'Tzedakah box'."

Isaac leaves the Rabbi, goes over and says his prayers, then walks over to the Tzedakah box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave.

The Rabbi, who was watching, quickly runs over to him and says, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the Tzedakah box!"

Isaac replied, "Well, Rabbi, I rubbed the $50 against it and you said it was the same as putting it in!"
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
The defendant asked for a new lawyer, claiming the public defender wasn't interested in his case.

The judge addressed the PD: "What do you have to say to that?"

The PD replied, "Could you repeat that, your honor? I wasn't listening."
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
Subject: Why I fired my secretary....

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!" and probably have a present for me.

As it turned out, she didn't even say good morning, let alone any happy birthday. I thought, well, that's wives for you, the children will remember. The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word.

So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good morning, Boss. Happy Birthday!"

And I felt a little better that someone had remembered I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door & said, "You know, it is such a beautiful day outside, & it is your birthday... let's go to lunch, just you & me."

I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. "Let's go!" We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; instead we went out to a private little place.

We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable"

"Sure!" I excitedly replied.

She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake -----

Followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.

And I just sat there ----

On the couch ----

Naked.......
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
DOGS TEN COMMANDMENTS

1. My life is likely to last 10-15 years. Regular separation from you will be painful and can even cause depression. Think before you buy me.

2. Give me time to understand what you want from me don't be impatient, short-tempered or irritable.

3. Place your trust in me and I will always trust you back, respect is earned not given as some sort of inalienable right.

4. Don't be angry with me for long, and don't lock me up as punishment. I am not capable of understanding why I am being locked up. I only know I have been rejected. You have your work, entertainment and friends. I only have you.

5. Talk to me sometimes. Even if I don't understand your words, I do understand your tone. "You only have to look at my tail" to know that.

6. Be aware that however you treat me, I will never forget, if that treatment is unjust or bad, it may spoil the special bond between us.

7. Please do not hit me. I cannot hit back, but I can bite and scratch and I don't ever want to feel the need to do that.

8. Before you tell me off me for being uncooperative, obstinate, or lazy, ask yourself if something might be wrong with me. Perhaps I'm not getting the right food or I've been out in the sun too long, maybe my heart is getting old and weak, or maybe I'm just dog-tired.

9. Take care of me when I get old. You too will grow old and will also want care, love, and affection.

10. Go with me on difficult journeys. Never say, "I can't bear to watch" or "Let it happen in my absence". Everything is easier for me if you are there. Remember, Irrespective of what you do I will always love you.



submitted by: Bea Rhea
  ... More Useful Information?