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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
Subject: Jack's Phone Number

Blonde Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"

Operator: "I'm sorry, I don't understand who you are talking about."

Blonde Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide - it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning.

Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
It's easy to understand this man's anger.

To celebrate 50 years of marriage, a couple booked a weekend at St. Andrews. On the third tee, the husband said, "Darling, I have to confess something ... twenty years ago I had a brief affair ... it meant nothing ... I hope that you can forgive me."

His wife was hurt but said, "Dearest, those days are long gone. What we have now is far more valuable. I forgive you." They embraced and kissed.

A while later on the seventeenth tee the wife said to her husband, "Darling, since we're being honest with each other today, I have something to tell you. Fifty-two years ago I had a sex change operation ... I was a man before we met."

The husband threw a fit! He cursed, threw his driver away, broke the rest of his clubs one by one, tore at his clothes, screamed and ranted, "You liar, you despicable cheat! How could you? I trusted you ... and all these years you have been playing from the ladies' tees!"

Submitted by: Elmer Nance
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
Yasser Arafat, not feeling well and concerned about his mortality, goes to consult a Psychic about the date of his death.

Closing her eyes and silently reaching into the realm of the future she finds the answer: "You will die on a Jewish holiday."

"Which one?'" Arafat asks nervously.

"It doesn't matter," replied the psychic. "Whenever you die, it'll be a Jewish holiday
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
His partners.
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
A grandmother was pushing her grandchild around Wal-Mart in a buggy. Each time she put something in the basket, she would say, "And here is something for you, Diploma," or "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma," and so on.

Eventually a bewildered shopper who had heard all this finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?"

The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to college and this is what she came home with!"



submitted by: Irma Schuchardt
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
How To Stay Young and Happy!

Throw out all the non-essential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them - that is why you pay him.

Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. If you really need a grouch, there are probably a few of your relatives to do the job.

Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Just never let your brain idle.

Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. Laugh so much that you can be tracked in the store by your distinctive laughter.

The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with you our entire life is yourself.

Surround yourself with what you love, whether it is family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

Cherish your health. If it is good - preserve it. If it is unstable - improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve - get help.

Don't take guilt trips. Go to the mall, the next county, a foreign country... but not to guilt.

Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

And remember that Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take... but by the moments that take our breath away!

Submitted by: Elmer Nance
  ... More Useful Information?