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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with a blonde co-worker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red.
She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing DRIVING???"
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GOLF JOKE
15 Reasons Why Golf is Better Than Sex
1. It's easier to score in golf.
2. Golf-transmitted diseases are rare.
3. Everyone swings in golf.
4. When you play golf, you don't have to lubricate the hole.
5. Being called a pro is a compliment in golf.
6. Golf isn't over in a few minutes.
7. It's OK to pay for golf.
8. You can play golf for hours without getting exhausted.
9. Foursomes are more common in golf.
10. If you have trouble with one hole, you can go to another.
11. You get more rest between strokes in golf.
12. If you're not ready for golf on the first date, you can suggest miniature golf.
13. In golf, women have balls and men don't mind.
14. Premarital golf is encouraged.
15. The size of your shaft isn't important to other golfers.
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JEWISH JOKE
A Jewish father was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it.
"I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has
decided to be a Christian! Rabbi, where did I go wrong?"
"Funny you should ask," said the Rabbi. "Like you I, too, brought my boy up in the faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he, too, tells me he has decided to become a Christian."
"What did you do?" asked the father. "I turned to G-d for the answer" replied the Rabbi.
"And what did he say?" pressed the father. "
G-d said, 'Funny you should ask...
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LAWYER JOKE
Q: Why is an avocado like a lawyer? (both are "avocat" in French)
A: Both have hearts like stones.
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CLASSIC JOKE
A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race appear?'
The mother answered, 'G-d made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.'
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.
The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the
human race evolved.'
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mom, how is it possible
that you told me the human race was created by G-d, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'
The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple.
I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.'
Submitted by: Renee Andert
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USEFUL INFORMATION
MIGHTY FINE ADVICE IN THESE WORDS
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, 'I love you ,' mean it.
FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson !
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship...
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY.. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
submitted by: Jeff G.
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