Jere's Holiday
Gift Picks
Click Here
Great Gifts for Everyone!
|
|
| Entertainment, Travel & Science News
|
|
|
JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
|
|
|
BLONDE JOKE
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: She kept throwing out all the "W"s
|
... More Blonde Jokes?
|
|
|
GOLF JOKE
Wife says she's leaving me if I don't give up golf."
"What are you going to do?"
"I’ll miss her."
|
... More Golf Jokes?
|
|
|
JEWISH JOKE
A Jewish father was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it.
"I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has
decided to be a Christian! Rabbi, where did I go wrong?"
"Funny you should ask," said the Rabbi. "Like you I, too, brought my boy up in the faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he, too, tells me he has decided to become a Christian."
"What did you do?" asked the father. "I turned to G-d for the answer" replied the Rabbi.
"And what did he say?" pressed the father. "
G-d said, 'Funny you should ask...
|
... More Jewish Jokes?
|
|
LAWYER JOKE
What should you do if you find a lawyer buried up to his neck in cement?
Get more cement.
|
... More Lawyer Jokes?
|
|
CLASSIC JOKE
I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN.......
I'm the life of the party, even when it lasts until 8 P.M.
I'm very good at opening child-proof caps with a hammer.
I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going.
I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my-aspirin-beano-antacid
I'm the first one to find the bathroom, wherever we go.
I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you are saying.
I'm very good at telling stories.... over and over and over and over.
I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine.
I'm so cared for, long-term care, eye care, private care, dental care..,
I'm not grouchy. I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, children, politicians.
I'm positive I did housework correctly before my mate retired.
I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.
I'm wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that's just my left leg.
I'm having trouble remembering simple words like......
I'm now spending more time with my pillows than with my mate.
I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies.
I'm anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammatory.
I'm walking more (to the bathroom and enjoying it less).
I'm going to reveal what goes on behind closed doors –absolutely nothing!
I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days.
I'm in the initial state of my golden years: SS, CD's, IRA's, AARP.
I'm wondering if you're only as old as you feel. How could I be alive at 150?
I'm supporting all movements now by eating bran, prunes and raisins.
I'm a walking storeroom of facts..... I've just lost the storeroom.
I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN AND I THINK I AM HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE!!!
|
... More Classic Jokes?
|
|
USEFUL INFORMATION
I thought everybody should know how to make an At Home DNA Kit for their children, grandchildren, nieces or nephews.
Creating a DNA kit of your children at home is easy and can help police find your child if he or she is ever abducted. All that's needed is a set of nail clippers, cotton swabs, a comb, gauze pads, and a freezer bag.
Rub the tip of the cotton swab inside the child's right and left cheek. Clip your child's fingernails and save the clippings. Comb through the child's hair and save some of the loose hairs in the comb. Next time the child skins his or her knee, use the gauze pad to collect and preserve some of the blood. Take all the samples, and a baby tooth if you have one, and place into a freezer bag. Seal the bag, label it, and place it in the freezer where it can be preserved for years.
Having a DNA kit should not take the place of parents keeping a watchful eye on their children.
|
... More Useful Information?
|
|
|
