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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
An old blacksmith realized it was time to quit working so hard, so he picked out a strong young blonde man to become his apprentice.
The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the blonde young man. "Just do whatever I tell you to do."
One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard."
Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith!
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GOLF JOKE
Two lawyers, Jeff and Gregg head out for their usual 9 holkes of golf. Jeff offers Gregg a $50.00 bet. Gregg agrees and they get started. They both shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Gregg is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th hole.
“Help me find my ball. Look over there,” he he says to Jeff. After a few minutes, neither of them has any luck finding the ball. Since a lost ball carries a 4 point penalty, Gregg secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses in to the ground. “I’ve found my ball” he says.
“After all of the years we’ve been playing together,” Jeff says, “you’d cheat me out of a lousy $50.00 dollars!”
“What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!”
“And you are a liar, too!” Jeff says. “I’ll have you know I’ve been standing on your ball for the last 10 minutes!”
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JEWISH JOKE
Insuring Success
This older Jewish man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to receive the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.
“Yes Dad, what is it?”
“Don’t be nervous, do your best and just remember if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.
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LAWYER JOKE
Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
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CLASSIC JOKE
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past.
The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend."
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have some
joints. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's
going to get a drink from the river. At the river bank, the lizard is so
stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and
swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.
He then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?!" The lizard explains
to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his
new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the
jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He
looks up and says "Hey, MONKEY!" The Monkey looks down and says "WOW, DUDE....... how much water did you drink?"
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USEFUL INFORMATION
Subject: Mirror or two way glass?????
Mirror or two way glass?????
How can you tell when you are in a room, restroom, motel etc. with a mirror or a 2-way glass?
Here's how:
I thought it was quite interesting! And I know in about 30 seconds you're going do what I did and find the nearest mirror....
Do you know how to determine if a mirror is 2-way or not?
This is not to scare you, but to make you aware. A policewoman, who travels all over the U.S. and gives seminars and techniques for businesswomen, passed this on.
When we visit toilets, bathrooms, hotel rooms, changing rooms, etc., how many of you know for sure that the seemingly ordinary mirror hanging on the wall is a real mirror, or actually a 2-way mirror (i.e., they can see you, but you can't see them)? There have been many cases of people installing 2-way mirrors in female changing rooms. It is very difficult to positively identify the surface by just looking at it.
So, how do we determine with any amount of certainty what type of mirror we are looking at? Just conduct this simple test:
Place the tip of your fingernail against the reflective surface and if there is a GAP between your fingernail and the image of the nail, then it is a GENUINE mirror.
However, if your fingernail DIRECTLY TOUCHES the image of your nail, then BEWARE, FOR IT IS a 2-WAY MIRROR!
"No Space, Leave the Place"
So remember, every time you see a Mirror, do the "fingernail test." It doesn't cost you anything.
Remember: "No Space, Leave the Place"
Ladies: Share this with your girlfriends, sisters, daughters, etc.
Men: Share this with your wives, daughters, daughters-in-law, mothers, girlfriends and/or friends.
Submitted by: Renee Andert
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