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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
Q: Why don't Blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
Some Rules Of Golf

/* If you are not familiar with golf, you probably won't get these. Ask your closest golf player. */

1. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.

2. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

3. If you are afraid a full shot might reach the green while the group ahead are still putting, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up, or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.

4. The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.

5. If it isn't broke, try changing your grip.

6. Golfers who claim they don't cheat also lie.

7. Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.

8. A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.

9. It's surprisingly easy to sink a 50 foot putt when you lie.

10. Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

11. Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

12. It's not a gimme putt if you're still away.

13. The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the large tree.

14. There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces and bounces just the way you intended to play it.

15. You can hit a two-acre fairway 10% of the time and a
2-inch branch on a tree 90% of the time.

16. Every time a golfer makes a birdie he must subsequently make three triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

17. If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods try to hit just short of a water hazard.

18. To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of his backswing by his handicap. Example, backswing 20 miles per hour, handicap, 15, downswing 300 m.p.h.

19. There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which hand is wearing the golf glove.

20. Hazards attract; Fairways repel.

21. You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but no golfer can put "straight" on the ball.

22. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

23. If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker.

24. If both balls are in the sand, yours is in the footprint.

25. Don't buy a putter until you have had a chance to throw it.

26. The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all your errors.


submitted by: Elmer Nance
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
Three guys, a Canadian, an Iraqi and an Israeli are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

"I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.

The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."

With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POUF' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

The Iraqi was amazed, so he said; "I want a wall around Iraq, so that no infidels and Jews can come into our precious state."

Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POUF' there was a huge wall around Iraq.

Izzy Goldberg, the Israeli asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."

The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 200 feet high, 100 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out."

Izzy says, ... "Fill it up with water."
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?
The pronunciation.
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
Our nephew was getting married to a doctor's daughter. At the wedding reception, the father of the bride stood to read his toast, which he had scribbled on a piece of scrap paper.

Several times during his speech, he halted, overcome with what I assumed was a moment of deep emotion.

But after a particularly long pause, he explained, "I'm sorry. I can't seem to make out what I've written down."

Looking out into the audience, he asked, "Is there a pharmacist in the house?"

Submitted by: Dr. Bob G.
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
Gift Cards


Well the crooks have found a way to rob you of your gift card balance.

If you buy Gift Cards from a display rack that has various store cards you may become a victim of theft. Crooks are now jotting down the card numbers in the store and then wait a few days and call to see how much of a balance they have on the card. Once they find the card is "activated", they go online and start shopping.

You may want to purchase your card from a customer service person, where they do not have the Gift Cards viewable to the public.
  ... More Useful Information?