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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
Subject: Jack's Phone Number
Blonde Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, I don't understand who you are talking about."
Blonde Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide - it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning.
Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
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GOLF JOKE
It's easy to understand this man's anger.
To celebrate 50 years of marriage, a couple booked a weekend at St. Andrews. On the third tee, the husband said, "Darling, I have to confess something ... twenty years ago I had a brief affair ... it meant nothing ... I hope that you can forgive me."
His wife was hurt but said, "Dearest, those days are long gone. What we have now is far more valuable. I forgive you." They embraced and kissed.
A while later on the seventeenth tee the wife said to her husband, "Darling, since we're being honest with each other today, I have something to tell you. Fifty-two years ago I had a sex change operation ... I was a man before we met."
The husband threw a fit! He cursed, threw his driver away, broke the rest of his clubs one by one, tore at his clothes, screamed and ranted, "You liar, you despicable cheat! How could you? I trusted you ... and all these years you have been playing from the ladies' tees!"
Submitted by: Elmer Nance
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JEWISH JOKE
Yasser Arafat, not feeling well and concerned about his mortality, goes to consult a Psychic about the date of his death.
Closing her eyes and silently reaching into the realm of the future she finds the answer: "You will die on a Jewish holiday."
"Which one?'" Arafat asks nervously.
"It doesn't matter," replied the psychic. "Whenever you die, it'll be a Jewish holiday
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CLASSIC JOKE
A grandmother was pushing her grandchild around Wal-Mart in a buggy. Each time she put something in the basket, she would say, "And here is something for you, Diploma," or "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma," and so on.
Eventually a bewildered shopper who had heard all this finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?"
The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to college and this is what she came home with!"
submitted by: Irma Schuchardt
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USEFUL INFORMATION
How To Stay Young and Happy!
Throw out all the non-essential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them - that is why you pay him.
Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. If you really need a grouch, there are probably a few of your relatives to do the job.
Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Just never let your brain idle.
Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. Laugh so much that you can be tracked in the store by your distinctive laughter.
The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with you our entire life is yourself.
Surround yourself with what you love, whether it is family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
Cherish your health. If it is good - preserve it. If it is unstable - improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve - get help.
Don't take guilt trips. Go to the mall, the next county, a foreign country... but not to guilt.
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
And remember that Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take... but by the moments that take our breath away!
Submitted by: Elmer Nance
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
