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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
Two blonde gals went together to play the slot machines at the casino. Each agreed that when her allotted money was gone, she would go to the front of the casino and sit on the bench to wait for the other.
Trixie quickly lost all her money and went to sit on the bench. She waited
and waited. After what seemed an eternity, she finally saw Patty coming
toward her, carrying this huge sack of coins.
"Hey, Trixie," said Patty, "how'd you do?"
"Not very good," came the reply. "I've been waiting here for hours."
Patty said: "You should have been with me . . . did I ever find a good
machine! It's way in the back. Come! I'll show it to you . . you can't
lose! Ever time you put a dollar in, you win four quarters!"
Submitted by: Bob Gasway
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GOLF JOKE
This is a true story. After hacking my way around a course with a professional golfer, I asked him what the problem was with my game. He answered coolly and casually, "It's simple, you're standing too close to your ball............after you hit it"!
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JEWISH JOKE
On an elderly gentleman's 80th birthday, some of his friends decide they want to do something special for him, so they send a prostitute over to his house to have sex with him.
The prostitute knocks on the door and the 80 year old man answers. The prostitute says, "I'm here to give you super sex."
The old man's hearing isn't quite what it used to be, so he says, "What's that dearie?"
The prostitute speaks a little louder and says, "I said, I am here to give you super sex."
Again the old man asks her to repeat herself.
Very slowly, she yells, "I am here to give you super sex."
The old man finally understands and replies, "Oh, I guess I'll have the soup."
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LAWYER JOKE
What happens to a lawyer who jumps out of a plane at 35,000 feet without a parachute?
Who cares?
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CLASSIC JOKE
Old ageism's?!
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
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Don't let anyone tell you you're getting old. Squash their toes with your rocker!
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The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
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Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
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Maturity means being emotionally and mentally healthy, it is that time when you know when to say yes and when to say no, and when to say "WHOOPEE!"
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How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
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When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
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You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
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I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
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The golden years are really metallic years, gold in the tooth, silver in your hair and most of all lead in the pants..
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Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18.
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One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
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Age seldom arrives smoothly or quickly. It is more often a succession of jerks.
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Yah; being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
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Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled, and bald they don't recognize you.
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If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper, then ... oh my goodness you forget to pull your zipper down!
submitted by: An Olde Phart
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USEFUL INFORMATION
Most of us take the summons for jury duty seriously, but enough people skip out on their civic duty, that a new and ominous kind of scam has surfaced. Fall for it and your identity could be stolen, reports CBS. In this con, someone calls pretending to be a court official who threateningly says a warrant has been issued for your arrest because you didn't show up for jury duty. The caller claims to be a jury coordinator. If you protest that you never received a summons for jury duty, the scammer asks you for your Social Security number and date of birth so he or she can verify the information and cancel the arrest warrant. Sometimes they even ask for credit card numbers. Give out any of this information and .... Bingo! Your identity has just been stolen. The scam has been reported so far in 11 states. This scam is particularly insidious because they use intimidation over the phone to try to bully peopl e into giving information by pretending they're with the court system. The FBI and the federal court system have issued nationwide alerts on their web sites, warning consumers about the fraud
Here is the link if you want to check it out. http://www.snopes.com/crime/fraud/juryduty.asp
Submitted by: Bob Gasway
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