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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
A redhead walks into a sports bar around 9:58 p.m. She sits down next to this blonde at the bar and stares up at the TV. The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building about to jump.
The redhead turns to the blonde and says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
The redhead placed $20 on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive from the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset and handed her $20 to the redhead and said, "All is fair. Here is your money."
The redhead replies, "Honey, I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replies, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."
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GOLF JOKE
One day a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.
"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So, he tied her up and went golfing.
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JEWISH JOKE
A Jew was walking on Regent Street in London and stopped in to a posh gourmet food shoppe. An impressive salesperson in morning coat with tails approached him and politely asked, "Can I help you, Sir?"
"Yes," replied the customer, "I would like to buy a pound of lox."
No," responded the dignified salesperson, "You mean smoked salmon."
"Okay, a pound of smoked salmon."
"Anything else?"
"Yes, a dozen blintzes."
"No. You mean crepes."
"Okay, a dozen crepes."
"Anything else?"
"Yes. A pound of chopped liver."
"No. You mean pate."
"Okay," said the Jewish patron, "A pound of pate. And," he added, "I'd like you to deliver this to my house next Saturday."
"Look," retorted the indignant salesperson, "We don't schlep on Shabbos!"
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LAWYER JOKE
How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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CLASSIC JOKE
An 80 year old man went to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor was
amazed at what good shape the guy was in.
The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?"
The old timer said, "I'm a golfer and that's why I'm in such good shape.
I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways.
The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to
it. How old was your dad when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my dad's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive?
How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 100 years old and, in fact, he golfed with me this morning, and that's why he's still alive... he's a golfer."
The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it.
How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's
still living! How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 118 years old."
The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went
golfing with you this morning too?"
The old timer said, "No... Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he got
married.
The Doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Why would a 118- year-old guy want to get married?"
The old timer said, "Who said he wanted to?
Submitted by: My Aunt Ruth
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USEFUL INFORMATION
Subject: Mirror or two way glass?????
Mirror or two way glass?????
How can you tell when you are in a room, restroom, motel etc. with a mirror or a 2-way glass?
Here's how:
I thought it was quite interesting! And I know in about 30 seconds you're going do what I did and find the nearest mirror....
Do you know how to determine if a mirror is 2-way or not?
This is not to scare you, but to make you aware. A policewoman, who travels all over the U.S. and gives seminars and techniques for businesswomen, passed this on.
When we visit toilets, bathrooms, hotel rooms, changing rooms, etc., how many of you know for sure that the seemingly ordinary mirror hanging on the wall is a real mirror, or actually a 2-way mirror (i.e., they can see you, but you can't see them)? There have been many cases of people installing 2-way mirrors in female changing rooms. It is very difficult to positively identify the surface by just looking at it.
So, how do we determine with any amount of certainty what type of mirror we are looking at? Just conduct this simple test:
Place the tip of your fingernail against the reflective surface and if there is a GAP between your fingernail and the image of the nail, then it is a GENUINE mirror.
However, if your fingernail DIRECTLY TOUCHES the image of your nail, then BEWARE, FOR IT IS a 2-WAY MIRROR!
"No Space, Leave the Place"
So remember, every time you see a Mirror, do the "fingernail test." It doesn't cost you anything.
Remember: "No Space, Leave the Place"
Ladies: Share this with your girlfriends, sisters, daughters, etc.
Men: Share this with your wives, daughters, daughters-in-law, mothers, girlfriends and/or friends.
Submitted by: Renee Andert
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