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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
A police officer stops a blond for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, "Doctor, I'm in one hell of a big hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anaesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it-- I don't have time to wait for the anaesthetic to work!

The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness--this sure is a very brave man, asking me to pull his tooth without using anything to kill the pain."

So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it, sir?"

The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth, Honey, and show the doctor which tooth hurts."
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
Talmudic Logic

The Priest met his friend, the Rabbi, and says to him You have taught me many things but there is one thing in particular I want to learn very much, but you do not wish to teach it to me. I want you to teach me the Talmud.

The Rabbi replied: You are a Non-Jew and you have the brain of a Non-Jew. There is no chance that you will succeed in understanding the Talmud. But the Priest continued in his attempt to persuade the Rabbi to teach him the Talmud. Finally, the Rabbi agreed. The Rabbi then said to the Priest: I agree to teach you the Talmud on condition that you answer one question. The Priest agreed and asked the Rabbi , What is the Question? The Rabbi then said to the Priest:

Two men fall down through the chimney. One comes out dirty and the other comes out clean. Who of those two goes to wash up? Very Simple, replied the Priest. The one who is dirty goes to wash up but the one who is clean does not go to wash up. The Rabbi then said to the Priest:

I told that that you will not succeed in understanding the Talmud. The exact opposite happened. The clean one looks at the dirty one and thinks that he is also dirty, and goes to wash up. The dirty one, on the other hand, looks at the clean one and thinks that he is also clean and, therefore, does not go to wash up.

The Priest then says to the Rabbi: This I did not think of. Ask me, please another question. The Rabbi then says to the Priest: Two men fall down through the chimney. One comes out dirty and the other comes out clean. Who of these two goes to wash up? The Priest then says to the Rabbi: Very simple. The clean one looks at the dirty one and thinks he is also dirty and goes to wash up. The dirty one, on the other hand, looks at the clean one and thinks that he is also clean and therefore does not go to wash up.

The Rabbi then says to the Priest: I told you that you will not understand. The clean one looks into the mirror, sees that he is clean and, therefore, does not go to wash up. The dirty one looks into the mirror, sees that he is dirty and goes to wash up.

The Priest complains to the Rabbi, But you did not tell me that that there is a mirror there. The Rabbi then tells the Priest: I told you. You are a Non-Jew, and with your brain you will not succeed in understanding the Talmud. According to the Talmud, you have to think of all the possibilities.

All right, groaning, said the Priest to the Rabbi. Let us try once more. Ask me one more question.

For the last time, said the Rabbi to the Priest, Two men fall through the chimney. One came out dirty and the other came out clean. Who of these two went to wash up?"

That is very simple! replied the Priest. If there is no mirror there the clean one will look at the dirty one and will think that he is also dirty and will, therefore, go to wash up. The dirty one will look at the clean one and will think that he is also clean, and will, therefore, not go to wash up.

If there is a mirror there, the clean one will look into the mirror and will, therefore, not go to wash up. The dirty one will look into the mirror and will see that he is dirty and will, therefore go to wash up.

The Rabbi then says to the Priest: I told that you will not succeed in understanding. Tell me: How is it possible for two men to fall through a chimney and one comes out dirty and the other comes out clean?
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.

"You don't want to try these techniques at home."

"Why not?" asked someone from the back of the audience.

"Well, I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time.

'Hon,' I suggested, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"

The voice from the back asked, "Did it save time?"

The expert replied, "Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get my breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven."
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
Do not turn on A/C immediately as soon as you enter the car

The given article is based on true facts!

Please do not turn on A/C immediately as soon as you enter the car. Open the windows after you enter your car and turn ON the air-conditioning after a couple of minutes.

According to a research done, the car dashboard, sofa, air freshener emits Benzene, a Cancer causing toxin (carcinogen - take note of the heated plastic Smell in your car).

In addition to causing cancer, it poisons your bones, causes anemia, and reduces white blood cells.

Prolonged exposure will cause Leukemia,increasing the risk of cancer. May also cause miscarriage.
Acceptable Benzene level indoors is 50 mg per sq. ft.. A car parked indoors with the windows closed will contain 400-800 mg of Benzene. If parked outdoors under the sun at a temperature above 60 degrees F, the Benzene level goes up to 2000-4000 mg, 40 times the acceptable level... & the people inside the car will inevitably inhale an excess amount of the toxins.

It is recommended that you open the windows and door to give time for the interior to air out before you enter.

Benzene is a toxin that affects your kidney and liver, and is very difficult for your body to expel this toxic stuff.

http://www.snopes.com/medical/toxins/benzene.asp

Submitted by: Bob Gasway
  ... More Useful Information?