Home | Blonde Jokes | Golf Jokes | Jewish Jokes | Lawyer Jokes | Classic Jokes | Useful Information
 Jere 

jeresjokes@yahoo.com

 Jere's Holiday
Gift Picks 
Click Here
Great Gifts for Everyone!

 CHEAPEST GAS PRICES! 
Enter your Zip Code


 Free Online Games 

 Entertainment, Travel & Science News 

 How Old Are You? 

 Get Your Weather 
Enter your Zip Code

 Movie Listings 
Enter your Zip Code


 Get Your Stocks 
Enter Symbol:


 Get Your Horoscope 
Whats Your Sign?


 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
A lawyer drags in from a day on the golf course looking wasted.
His wife asks, "What's the matter?"
"My partner, Henry, dropped dead on the fifth green," the lawyer
replied. "That's terrible," said his wife.
"You'd better believe it," the lawyer said. "After that it was nothing
but hit the ball and drag Henry. Hit the ball and drag Henry...."
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
One day, two bees are buzzing around what's left of a rose bush.

"How's your summer been?" asks bee number one.

"Not too good," says bee two. "Lotta rain, lotta cold. There aren't enough flowers, therefore not enough pollen."

The first bee has an idea. "Hey, why don't you go down to the corner and hang a left? There's a bar mitzvah going on. Plenty of flowers and fruit."

Bee two buzzes, "Thanks!" and takes off. An hour later, the bees bump into each other again.

"How was the bar mitzvah?" asks the first bee.

"Great!" replies the second.

The first bee, however, notices a small circle on his friend's head, and inquires, "What's that on your head?"

"A yarmulke," is the answer. "I didn't want them to think I was a Wasp!!!
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
His partners.
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
A recently retired rich couple from New York City, Mr. & Mrs. George Smith now living in Boca Raton, Florida were getting ready to go out to dinner. His wife came out of the bedroom and said to Geo0rge, "Darling, do you want me to wear this Channel suit or the Gucci one?

"Do I care?" he replied.

A few minutes later his wife, again, came out of the bedroom and said to her husband, "George shall I wear my Cartier watch or my Rolex?

"Who gives a damn?" said George.

A few more minutes passed and, again, she came out of the bedroom and said to her husband, "Abe darling, shall I wear my five carat pear diamond ring or my six carat round diamond ring with the baguettes?"

To which George responded, "Hey, I really don't really care already, but if you don't get your act together real soon, we are going to miss the early bird special."

Submitted by: Alicia Risdon
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
DOGS TEN COMMANDMENTS

1. My life is likely to last 10-15 years. Regular separation from you will be painful and can even cause depression. Think before you buy me.

2. Give me time to understand what you want from me don't be impatient, short-tempered or irritable.

3. Place your trust in me and I will always trust you back, respect is earned not given as some sort of inalienable right.

4. Don't be angry with me for long, and don't lock me up as punishment. I am not capable of understanding why I am being locked up. I only know I have been rejected. You have your work, entertainment and friends. I only have you.

5. Talk to me sometimes. Even if I don't understand your words, I do understand your tone. "You only have to look at my tail" to know that.

6. Be aware that however you treat me, I will never forget, if that treatment is unjust or bad, it may spoil the special bond between us.

7. Please do not hit me. I cannot hit back, but I can bite and scratch and I don't ever want to feel the need to do that.

8. Before you tell me off me for being uncooperative, obstinate, or lazy, ask yourself if something might be wrong with me. Perhaps I'm not getting the right food or I've been out in the sun too long, maybe my heart is getting old and weak, or maybe I'm just dog-tired.

9. Take care of me when I get old. You too will grow old and will also want care, love, and affection.

10. Go with me on difficult journeys. Never say, "I can't bear to watch" or "Let it happen in my absence". Everything is easier for me if you are there. Remember, Irrespective of what you do I will always love you..

Submitted by: Bea Rhea
  ... More Useful Information?