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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
Did you hear about the blonde that...

1. Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight

2. Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.

3. Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter.

4. Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"

5. Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.

6. Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.

7. When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C"

8. Burnt her nose bobbing for french fries.

9. Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.

10. Can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets

11. Hates M&M's because they are so hard to peel.

12. Got hurt while raking leaves; fell out of the tree.

13. Changes the baby's diaper only once a month because the label said, "good up to 20 pounds"

14. After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man.

The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"

"Yes" says the woman.

"Did you hit him with that golf club?"

"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her, hands on her face.

"How many times did you hit him?"

"I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times... .just put me down for a five."
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
A guy offers to buy a drink for an attractive young woman seated at a
bar. She gives him the green light, so he goes to the end of the bar
and whispers to the bartender to make up a Martini for her and to put
some Spanish-fly in the drink.
The bartender whispers back to say he's all out of Spanish-fly and all he has left is Jewish-fly.

Shrugging his shoulders, the guy says, OK, put some of that in her drink.
As she sips on the drink, she gets more and more cozy, really warming up to the guy. Finally, she finishes the drink, leans over and whispers in his ear, .....Let's go shopping.

Submitted by: Fred Lee
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
THIS SHOULD END ALL 3 BEARS STORIES

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table, he looks into his small bowl.

It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!!", he squeaks.

Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair.

He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my Porridge?!!," he roars.

Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For Christ's sake, how many times do we have to go through this with you idiots?"

It was Momma Bear who got up first, it was Momma Bear who woke everyone in the house, it was Momma Bear who made the coffee, it was Momma Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away, it was Momma Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper, it was Momma Bear who set the damn table, it was Momma Bear who put the friggin cat out, cleaned the litter box, and filled the cat's water and food dish, and, now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs, and grace Momma Bear's kitchen with your grumpy presence, listen good, cause I'm only going to say this one more time.

"I HAVEN'T MADE THE FRIGGEN PORRIDGE YET!!
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
TIPS TO COMBAT ID THEFT



1. Check your credit at freecreditreport.com



2. Be skeptical of any request by phone, in person or on line, for information about accounts or finances.



3. Keep your Social Security card in a safe place, not in your purse or wallet.



4. Buy a shredder and use it when disposing of any financial data.



5. Deposit all outgoing mail in official Postal Service Collection boxes.



6. Beware of any E-Mail asking for account information. Do not reply with your personal information.



7. Monitor personal accounts, check your bills carefully. Immediately report any inconsistencies.



8. Helpful site for parents, teachers and students: incredibleinternet.com.



9. If you become a victim, contact the Federal Trade Commission at: www.consumer.gov/idtheft or call 1-877-IDTHEFT.



10. Also remember no government agency will e-mail you asking for any personal information.

  ... More Useful Information?