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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
Subject: Qualifications for US President
This just might make your day a little brighter!!
You, who worry about democrats versus republicans -- relax, here is our real problem.
In a Purdue University classroom, they were discussing the qualifications
to be President of the United States. It was pretty simple: The candidate
must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age.
However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was
that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming
president. The class was taking it in and letting her rant, and not many
jaws hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating,
"What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?"
submitted by: Bob Gasway
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GOLF JOKE
The Rules Of Bedroom Golf
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally
one club and two balls.
2. Play on the course must be approved by the owner of a hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and
keep the balls out of the hole.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course
owners are permitted to check stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid
damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary
until the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately
upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally
take time to admire the course, with special attention to the well formed
bunkers.
8. Players are not to mention other courses they have played or are
currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset
course owners have been known to damage a player's equipment for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own
protection.
10. Players should assure themsleves that their match has been
properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being
played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if
they discover someone else playing on what they consider to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all
times. Some players may be embarrased if they find the course
to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely
tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of
play when in this case.
12. Players are advised to obtain owner's permission before
attempting to play the back nine.
13. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to
proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course
owner's request.
14. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to
play the same hole several time in one match.
15. The course owner will be the sole judge of who is the best player.
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JEWISH JOKE
An elderly Jewish lady is leaving the garment district to go home from work.
Suddenly a man who has been walking towards her, stands in front of her, blocks her path, opens up his raincoat and flashes her.
Unruffled she takes a look and remarks, "This you call a lining?
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LAWYER JOKE
How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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CLASSIC JOKE
A gentleman, fresh out of gift ideas, bought his mother-in-law a large plot in an expensive cemetery.
On her next birthday, he bought her nothing.
She was quick to comment, loud and long, on his thoughtlessness.
The gentleman said only one thing - "Well, you haven't used the gift I gave you last year."
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USEFUL INFORMATION
TIPS TO COMBAT ID THEFT
1. Check your credit at freecreditreport.com
2. Be skeptical of any request by phone, in person or on line, for information about accounts or finances.
3. Keep your Social Security card in a safe place, not in your purse or wallet.
4. Buy a shredder and use it when disposing of any financial data.
5. Deposit all outgoing mail in official Postal Service Collection boxes.
6. Beware of any E-Mail asking for account information. Do not reply with your personal information.
7. Monitor personal accounts, check your bills carefully. Immediately report any inconsistencies.
8. Helpful site for parents, teachers and students: incredibleinternet.com.
9. If you become a victim, contact the Federal Trade Commission at: www.consumer.gov/idtheft or call 1-877-IDTHEFT.
10. Also remember no government agency will e-mail you asking for any personal information.
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