Jere's Holiday
Gift Picks
Click Here
Great Gifts for Everyone!
|
|
| Entertainment, Travel & Science News
|
|
|
JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
|
|
|
BLONDE JOKE
The young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist
and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family.
"We've been trying for months now, doctor, and I don't seem to be able
to get pregnant," she confessed miserably.
"I'm sure weŽll solve your problem," the doctor reassured her. "If you'll just take off your clothes and get up on the examining table."
"Well, all right, doctor," agreed the young woman, blushing, "but I'd
rather have my husband's baby."
Submitted by Harold Greene
|
... More Blonde Jokes?
|
|
|
GOLF JOKE
In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden....
and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
|
... More Golf Jokes?
|
|
|
JEWISH JOKE
Isaac Weiss, a married man, goes to the shul and tells the Rabbi, "I had an affair with a woman - almost."
The Rabbi says, "What do you mean, 'almost'?"
Isaac says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."
The Rabbi replies, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to go near that woman again. Now, pray for forgiveness and put $50 in the 'Tzedakah box'."
Isaac leaves the Rabbi, goes over and says his prayers, then walks over to the Tzedakah box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave.
The Rabbi, who was watching, quickly runs over to him and says, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the Tzedakah box!"
Isaac replied, "Well, Rabbi, I rubbed the $50 against it and you said it was the same as putting it in!"
|
... More Jewish Jokes?
|
|
LAWYER JOKE
How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
|
... More Lawyer Jokes?
|
|
CLASSIC JOKE
What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!
What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick
What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.
What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.
What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.
Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.
Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.
What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.
Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
Submitted by: Bob Gasway
|
... More Classic Jokes?
|
|
USEFUL INFORMATION
I don't know what you guys are paying for gasoline....Here in California we are also paying higher, upwards of $3.50 per gallon. But my line of work is in petroleum for about 31 years now, so here are some tricks to get more of your money's worth for every gallon.
Here at the Kinder Morgan Pipeline where I work in San Jose , CA we deliver about 4 million gallons in a 24-hour period thru the pipeline. One day is diesel the next day is jet fuel, and gasoline, regular and premium grades. We have 34-storage tanks here with a total capacity of 16,800,000 gallons.
Only buy or fill up your car or truck in the early morning when the ground temperature is still cold. Remember that all service stations have their storage tanks buried below ground. The colder the ground the more dense the gasoline, when it gets warmer gasoline expands, so buying in the afternoon or in the evening....your gallon is not exactly a gallon. In the petroleum business, the specific gravity and the temperature of the gasoline, diesel and jet fuel, ethanol and other petroleum products plays an important role. A 1-degree rise in temperature is a big deal for this business. But the service stations do not have temperature compensation at the pumps.
When you're filling up do not squeeze the trigger of the nozzle to a fast mode. If you look you will see that the trigger has three (3) stages: low, middle, and high. In slow mode you should be pumping on low speed, thereby minimizing the vapors that are created while you are pumping. All hoses at the pump have a vapor return. If you are pumping on the fast rate, some of the liquid that goes to your tank becomes vapor. Those vapors are being sucked up and back into the underground storage tank so you're getting less worth for your money.
One of the most important tips is to fill up when your gas tank is HALF FULL or HALF EMPTY. The reason for this is, the more gas you have in your tank the less air occupying its empty space. Gasoline evaporates faster than you can imagine. Gasoline storage tanks have an internal floating roof. This roof serves as zero clearance between the gas and the atmosphere, so it minimizes the evaporation. Unlike service stations, here where I work, every truck that we load is temperature compensated so that every gallon is actually the exact amount.
Another reminder. If there is a gasoline truck pumping into the storage tanks when you stop to buy gas, DO NOT fill up--most likely the gasoline is being stirred up as the gas is being delivered, and you might pick up some of the dirt that normally settles on the bottom.
Hope this will help you get the most value for your money.
Submitted by: Bob Gasway
|
... More Useful Information?
|
|
|
