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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
Q: How can you tell if a Blonde has been using your computer?
A: There is whiteout all over the monitor.
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GOLF JOKE
A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack!
'Help me dear,' she groans to her husband.
The husband dials 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up
his putter, and lines up his putt.
His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. 'I'm dying over
here and you're putting?'
'Don't worry dear,' says the husband calmly. 'they found a doctor on the
second hole and he's coming to help you.'
'Well how long will it take for him to get here,' she asks feebly?
'No time at all', says her husband, practicing his putting stroke. Everybody's already agreed to let him play through!'
submitted by: Renee Andert
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JEWISH JOKE
Sophie and Shirley, two elderly Jewish widows in a Florida adult community, are curious about the latest arrival in their building -- a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to himself. Shirley says, "Sophie, you know I'm shy, why don't you go over to him at the pool and find out a little about him. He looks so lonely."
Sophie agrees, and later that day at the pool, she walks up to him and says, "Excuse me, mister. I hope I'm not prying, but my friend and I were wondering why you looked so lonely."
"Of course I'm lonely," he says, "I've spent the past 20 years in prison."
"You're kidding! What for?"
"For killing my third wife. I strangled her."
"What happened to your second wife?"
"I shot her."
"And, if I may ask, your first wife?"
"We had a fight and she fell off a building."
"Oh my," says Sophie. Then turning to her friend on the other side of the pool, she yells, "Yoo hoo, Shirley. He's single."
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LAWYER JOKE
How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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CLASSIC JOKE
An Irishman in a wheel chair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes," so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.
The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Englishman said to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, my treat.
The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Redneck on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there, sweet thang, How's about gettin' me a cold glass of Coke!" He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that G-d's boy over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Redneck said to give Jesus a cold glass of coke, on my bill.
As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Irishman felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.
Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Englishman felt his back straightening up, and he raised up his hands, praised the L*rd and did a series of back flips out the door.
Then Jesus walked towards the Redneck. The Redneck jumped up and yelled, don't touch me......I'm drawin' disability!"
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USEFUL INFORMATION
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to
ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably
more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so
remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best
friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry
because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you
love.
So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've
never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute
of happiness you'll never get back.
Submitted by: Matthew G.
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