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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
Q: Why shouldn't Blondes have coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
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GOLF JOKE
Wife to husband, "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married."
"Of course I do, my dear--it was the day I sank that thirty-foot putt."
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JEWISH JOKE
Isaac Weiss, a married man, goes to the shul and tells the Rabbi, "I had an affair with a woman - almost."
The Rabbi says, "What do you mean, 'almost'?"
Isaac says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."
The Rabbi replies, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to go near that woman again. Now, pray for forgiveness and put $50 in the 'Tzedakah box'."
Isaac leaves the Rabbi, goes over and says his prayers, then walks over to the Tzedakah box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave.
The Rabbi, who was watching, quickly runs over to him and says, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the Tzedakah box!"
Isaac replied, "Well, Rabbi, I rubbed the $50 against it and you said it was the same as putting it in!"
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LAWYER JOKE
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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CLASSIC JOKE
A man is stopped by the police in the early hours of the morning and asked where he's going.
Slurring his words, he says, "I'm on my way to listen to a lecture about the physiological effects of alcohol and drug abuse on the human body."
The policeman asks, "Really? And who's going to give a lecture at this time of night?"
"My wife", he replied.
Submitted by: Aileen Gordon
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USEFUL INFORMATION
DOGS TEN COMMANDMENTS
1. My life is likely to last 10-15 years. Regular separation from you will be painful and can even cause depression. Think before you buy me.
2. Give me time to understand what you want from me don't be impatient, short-tempered or irritable.
3. Place your trust in me and I will always trust you back, respect is earned not given as some sort of inalienable right.
4. Don't be angry with me for long, and don't lock me up as punishment. I am not capable of understanding why I am being locked up. I only know I have been rejected. You have your work, entertainment and friends. I only have you.
5. Talk to me sometimes. Even if I don't understand your words, I do understand your tone. "You only have to look at my tail" to know that.
6. Be aware that however you treat me, I will never forget, if that treatment is unjust or bad, it may spoil the special bond between us.
7. Please do not hit me. I cannot hit back, but I can bite and scratch and I don't ever want to feel the need to do that.
8. Before you tell me off me for being uncooperative, obstinate, or lazy, ask yourself if something might be wrong with me. Perhaps I'm not getting the right food or I've been out in the sun too long, maybe my heart is getting old and weak, or maybe I'm just dog-tired.
9. Take care of me when I get old. You too will grow old and will also want care, love, and affection.
10. Go with me on difficult journeys. Never say, "I can't bear to watch" or "Let it happen in my absence". Everything is easier for me if you are there. Remember, Irrespective of what you do I will always love you.
submitted by: Bea Rhea
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