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Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In

Todd Sabo

A blonde woman competed with a brunette woman and a redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted.

After being revived with blankets and coffee she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms."
  ... More Blonde Jokes?

1. Winston Churchill: "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture."

2. Jack Benny: "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf, and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf."

3. Lee Trevino: "You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work."

4 Unknown . "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins."

5. Hank Aaron: "It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course."

6. Lee Trevino: " Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course."

7. Lee Trevino: "I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced."

8. Sam Snead: "These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow."

9. Paul Harvey: "Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five."

10. Tommy Bolt, about the tempers of modern players: "They throw their clubs backwards and sideways, and that's wrong. You should always throw a club ahead of you so that you don't have to walk any extra distance to get it."

11. Tommy Bolt: "Putting allows the touchy golfer two to four opportunities to blow a gasket in the short space of two to forty feet."

12. Jimmy Demaret: "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at."

13. Jack Lemmon: "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball."

14. Lee Trevino: "If you're caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even G-d can hit a 1-iron."

15. Unknown: "Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour."

16. John Updike: "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five."

17. "Silk Stockings" TV Show: "The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes and called it music."

18. Gerald Ford: "I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose."

19. P.G. Wodehouse: "The least thing upsets him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in the adjoining meadows."

20. Bob Hope: "If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If G-d wants to play through, let him."

21. Ken Harrelson: "In baseball you hit your home run over the right-field fence, the left-field fence, the centre-field fence. Nobody cares. In golf everything has got to be right over second base."

22. Chi Chi Rodriguez: "The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life."

23. Chi Chi Rodriguez: "After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye."

24. Tommy Bolt, toward the end of one of his infamous high- volume, tempermental, club-throwing rounds, asked his caddie for a club recommendation for a shot of about 155 yards. His caddie said: "I'd say either a 3-iron or a wedge, sir." "A 3- iron or a wedge?" asked Bolt. "What kind of
stupid, #*!~%^* choice is that?" "Those are the only two clubs you have left in the your bag, sir." Said the caddie.

submitted by: D Gasway
  ... More Golf Jokes?

The temple board president, a very pious Jew, was extremely distressed in receiving the news that his only son has converted to Christianity. He is so besides himself that he goes to talk to the Rebbe, the highest authority he knows.

He says "Rebbe, Rebbe what have I done wrong? I brought him to Temple every day. I taught him everything that I was taught, gave him all I was given. Where, where did I go wrong?"

The Rebbe says "Funny ting, my only son too, he has converted to Christianity. I, too, can not figure out what went wrong, after all I am the Rebbe, surely my teachings and guidance should have been sufficient." The Rebbe continues "There is only one thing we can do, we must speak to a higher authority still.

The Rebbe and the Board President make there way to the sanctuary and they begin to speak to G-d. They say:"Oh, Adoni, where have we gone
wrong, our only sons have shunned us and converted to Christianity, what shall we do? Where did we go wrong?"

A big booming voice is heard from above to say; "FUNNY THING!"
  ... More Jewish Jokes?

Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?

A: Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?

A man was in the hospital recovering from an operation when a nun walked
into his room. She was there to cheer up the sick and ailing. The man
and nun started talking and she asked about his life. He talked about
his wife and 13 children.

"My, my," said the nun, "13 children... You're a good, proper
Catholic family. G-d is very proud of you!"

"I'm sorry, Sister," he said, "I am not Catholic. I'm Jewish."

"Jewish!?" she replies and immediately gets up to leave.

"Sister,why are you leaving?"

"I didn't realize I was talking to a sex maniac!"

submitted by: Harold Greene
  ... More Classic Jokes?


The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.


Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.


Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.


Coca-Cola was originally green.


It is impossible to lick your elbow.


The state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska


The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% ( now get this...)
The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%


The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400


The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000


Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.


The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.


The youngest pope was 11 years old.


The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.


Those San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.


Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David,
Hearts - Charlemagne,
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar


111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321


If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.


Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.


"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.


Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.


Q. What occurs more often in December than any other month?
A. Conception.


Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace


Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession


Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand


Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.


Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey


Q. There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day


Q. What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is the most ironic?
A. He was allergic to carrots.


Q. What is an activity performed by 40% of all people at a party?
A. Snoop in your medicine cabinet.


In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight".


It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month we know today as the honeymoon.


In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden.... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
  ... More Useful Information?