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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question. "If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?"
After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars because
it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet."
They said "well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to her. Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same
question.
In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings."
Again, "thank you" and they would get back to her. Finally, the blonde entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead.
She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the sun."
The people from NASA replied, "why, don`t you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?"
The blonde smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you guys dumb? I`d go at night!"
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GOLF JOKE
One day a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.
"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So, he tied her up and went golfing.
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JEWISH JOKE
An Indian brave named Sitting Bull comes home to the wigwam and informs his father that he's found a wonderful new, Jewish, girlfriend and they're getting married.
Naturally the father is upset.
"Why don't you find a nice Indian girl? It's not right for Indians to marry out. Anyway, I'm sure that Jews feel the same way. Surely they're not thrilled with having an Indian son-in-law".
"Not true!", replies the brave. "They like me so much that they've already given their daughter a new Indian name".
"What's that?" says the father.
"Sitting Shiva"
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LAWYER JOKE
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
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CLASSIC JOKE
An 80 year old man went to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor was
amazed at what good shape the guy was in.
The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?"
The old timer said, "I'm a golfer and that's why I'm in such good shape.
I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways.
The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to
it. How old was your dad when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my dad's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive?
How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 100 years old and, in fact, he golfed with me this morning, and that's why he's still alive... he's a golfer."
The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it.
How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's
still living! How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 118 years old."
The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went
golfing with you this morning too?"
The old timer said, "No... Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he got
married.
The Doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Why would a 118- year-old guy want to get married?"
The old timer said, "Who said he wanted to?
Submitted by: My Aunt Ruth
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USEFUL INFORMATION
Did you know that you can tell from the skin whether a person is sexually active or not?
1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.
2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.
3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.
4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!
5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque buildup.
9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.
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