Home | Blonde Jokes | Golf Jokes | Jewish Jokes | Lawyer Jokes | Classic Jokes | Useful Information
 Jere 

jeresjokes@yahoo.com

 Jere's Holiday
Gift Picks 
Click Here
Great Gifts for Everyone!

 CHEAPEST GAS PRICES! 
Enter your Zip Code


 Free Online Games 

 Entertainment, Travel & Science News 

 How Old Are You? 

 Get Your Weather 
Enter your Zip Code

 Movie Listings 
Enter your Zip Code


 Get Your Stocks 
Enter Symbol:


 Get Your Horoscope 
Whats Your Sign?


 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks."

The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks."

"No. Those are deer tracks."

They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
One mid-afternoon on a sunny day, a golfer teed up his ball. After a few practice swings, he steps up to his ball and gets ready to drive the first hole. Just before he swings, a woman in a wedding gown comes running up from the parking lot. She's got tears streaming down her face. Just as she reaches the raised tee, she screams out, "I can't believe it! How could you do that?"

The golfer calmly takes a swing and drives the ball straight down the fairway. He looks at the woman, as he puts his driver back in his bag and says, "Hey...I said only if it's raining"
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
These two Jewish men are sitting in a wonderful deli frequented almost exclusively by Jews in the Jewish section of town. They are talking amongst themselves in Yiddish. A Chinese waiter comes up and in fluent and impeccable Yiddish asks them if everything is okay can he get them anything and so forth. The Jewish men are dumbfounded. "My G-d where did he learn such perfect Yiddish?" they both think. After they pay the bill they ask the manager of the store an old friend also fluent in Yiddish "Where did our waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish?"

The owner looks around and leans in so no else one will hear and says "Shhhh. He thinks we're teaching him English."
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
A true story: A convicted con man was recently found to be impersonating a lawyer in New York City.

To which one judge remarked, "I should have suspected he wasn't a lawyer. He was always so punctual and polite."
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
An 80-year-old man was having an annual physical.

As the doctor listened to his heart with the stethoscope, he began to mutter, "Uh-oh."

The man asked the doctor, "What's the problem?"

"Well," said the doctor, "you have a serious heart murmur. Do you smoke?"

"No," replied the man.

"Do you drink in excess?"

"No." replied the man.

"Do you have a sex life?"

"Yes, I do!"

"Well," said the doctor, "I'm afraid that with this heart murmur, you'll have to give up half your sex life."

Perplexed, the old man thought a minute and said, "Which half -- the looking or the thinking?"

Submitted by: Margo Australia
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
I thought everybody should know how to make an At Home DNA Kit for their children, grandchildren, nieces or nephews.

Creating a DNA kit of your children at home is easy and can help police find your child if he or she is ever abducted. All that's needed is a set of nail clippers, cotton swabs, a comb, gauze pads, and a freezer bag.

Rub the tip of the cotton swab inside the child's right and left cheek. Clip your child's fingernails and save the clippings. Comb through the child's hair and save some of the loose hairs in the comb. Next time the child skins his or her knee, use the gauze pad to collect and preserve some of the blood. Take all the samples, and a baby tooth if you have one, and place into a freezer bag. Seal the bag, label it, and place it in the freezer where it can be preserved for years.

Having a DNA kit should not take the place of parents keeping a watchful eye on their children.
  ... More Useful Information?