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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an "F" in sex.
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GOLF JOKE
Top Ten Suggestions for Guys While Playing Golf and/or Taking a Leak in a Public Bathroom
10. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.
9. Form a loose grip.
8. Keep your head down.
7. Avoid quick back swing.
6. Stay out of the water.
5. Try not to hit anyone.
4. If you are taking too long please let others go ahead of you.
3. Don't stand directly in front of others.
2. Quiet please! while others are preparing to go.
1. Don't take extra strokes.
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JEWISH JOKE
President Clinton was very curious about how the Jewish people knew everything before him. So he called the CIA and FBI and asked them to
figure it out.
One week later they came back and said, "Mr. President, the Jews have something called shabbat, and they meet each other at the synagogue, and there is a code. They sit, they pray, and there is a word that is the key to this secret: 'Nu?' When one says to other, 'Nu?' the other tells him everything, every bit of news."
This Clinton wanted to see for himself. The secret service dressed him like a Hassid, and taught him to read from the right to the left of
the siddur. Clinton arrived at a synagogue on shabbat, and sat beside another religious man. He waited for an moment, and said, "Nu?"
The man answered, "Shh, Clinton is coming!"
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LAWYER JOKE
There is a truck driver who whenever he sees a lawyer walking down the street, he always swerves to hit him.
One day he sees a priest on the side of the road looking for a ride and so the truck driver picks him up. While they were driving, the driver sees a lawyer, and swerves to hit him. But then he remembered he had a priest in the truck, so he swerved back on the road, but he heard a loud 'thump' anyway. So the driver turns to the priest and says "Please forgive me." and the priest said, "You didn't hit the lawyer, but that's OK, I got him with the door."
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CLASSIC JOKE
A man is stopped by the police in the early hours of the morning and asked where he's going.
Slurring his words, he says, "I'm on my way to listen to a lecture about the physiological effects of alcohol and drug abuse on the human body."
The policeman asks, "Really? And who's going to give a lecture at this time of night?"
"My wife", he replied.
Submitted by: Aileen Gordon
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USEFUL INFORMATION
Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason.
If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.'
submitted by: Bob Gasway
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