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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked
her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was
ironing a shirt and the phone rang -- but instead of picking
up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ... what
happened to your other ear?"
"The jerk called back."
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GOLF JOKE
Wife to husband, "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married."
"Of course I do, my dear--it was the day I sank that thirty-foot putt."
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JEWISH JOKE
A Jewish father was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it.
"I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has
decided to be a Christian! Rabbi, where did I go wrong?"
"Funny you should ask," said the Rabbi. "Like you I, too, brought my boy up in the faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he, too, tells me he has decided to become a Christian."
"What did you do?" asked the father. "I turned to G-d for the answer" replied the Rabbi.
"And what did he say?" pressed the father. "
G-d said, 'Funny you should ask...
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LAWYER JOKE
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side.
The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.
Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.
When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
"My G-d!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?"
Submitted by: Bob Gasway
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CLASSIC JOKE
Random Silliness
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians - the quick and the dead.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool, Who said, Quit while you are ahead?
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Before marriage, a man Yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the Y becomes silent.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
In the computer world, every morning is the dawn of a new error...
For people who like peace and quiet; a phone less cord.
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
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USEFUL INFORMATION
Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason.
If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.'
submitted by: Bob Gasway
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