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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her.

She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack!

'Help me dear,' she groans to her husband.

The husband dials 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up
his putter, and lines up his putt.

His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. 'I'm dying over
here and you're putting?'

'Don't worry dear,' says the husband calmly. 'they found a doctor on the
second hole and he's coming to help you.'

'Well how long will it take for him to get here,' she asks feebly?

'No time at all', says her husband, practicing his putting stroke. Everybody's already agreed to let him play through!'


submitted by: Renee Andert
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
HOW TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE



Question 1) How do you know when you are at an Orthodox Jewish Wedding?

Answer: The mother of the bride is pregnant.



Question 2) How do you know when you are at a Conservative Jewish Wedding?

Answer: The bride is pregnant.



Question 3) How do you know when you are at a Reform ? Jewish Wedding?

Answer: The rabbi is pregnant.

  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.

The lawyer replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?"

The doctor replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds."

The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how do you start a flood?"
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
Remember: Dogs are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all of the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't smoke or drink
7. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
8. Aren't embarrassed to walk with you
9. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
10. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Submitted by: Elmer Nance
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
Another SCAM! Just sent to me...

Keep a watch out for people standing near you at retail stores, restaurants, grocery stores, etc., that have a cell phone in hand. With the new camera cell phones, they can take a picture of your credit card, which gives them your name, number, and expiration date.

Identification theft is one of the fastest growing scams today, and this is just another example of the means that are being used. So, be aware of your surroundings.
  ... More Useful Information?