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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
Two Blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry we have three engines left". Thirty minutes later, the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry we have two engines left". An hour later the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left".
The Blonde looked at the other Blonde and said "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day".
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GOLF JOKE
It was the worst round of golf that I've ever played, said Joel
All I hit were two good balls, and that was because I stepped on a rake!
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JEWISH JOKE
One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened. He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and said "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?"
"Yes," was his incredulous reply.
She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."
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LAWYER JOKE
What happens to a lawyer who jumps out of a plane at 35,000 feet without a parachute?
Who cares?
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CLASSIC JOKE
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
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USEFUL INFORMATION
Interesting Facts
Construction workers hard hats were first invented and used in the building of the Hoover Dam in 1933. It was built to last 2,000 years.
The concrete in it will not even be fully cured for another 500 years.
The federal government owns 624 million acres, or 27 percent of the country's land.
An aircraft carrier gets about 6 inches per gallon of fuel.
The first e-mail was sent over the Internet in 1972.
Grant Wood's famous painting of an old Indiana couple posing in front of their farmhouse is considered the definitive portrait of the Midwestern farmer. In actuality, the man and women aren't really a couple nor are they farmers. Also, the "farmhouse" in the picture was once used as a bordello.
A cubic mile of ordinary fog contains less than a gallon of water.
The shelf life of vitamins is six or more years if they're protected from heat, moisture, and light.
The distinctive smell that you experience upon opening a box of crayons
comes from stearic acid, which is the formal name for processed beef fat.
The average house wife walks 10 miles a day around the house doing her chores. In addition, she walks nearly 4 miles and spends 25 hours a year making beds.
Ian Fleming, creator of the JAMES BOND adventure novels also wrote CHITTY-CHITTY BANG BANG.
The site of Mount Everest is at about the same latitude as Tampa, FL.
Everest's extreme cold is due to its altitude, not its latitude.
If a surgeon in Ancient Egypt lost a patient while performing an operation,
his hands were cut off.
Most of the world's people must walk at least 3 hours to fetch water
A mile on the ocean and a mile on land are not the same distance.
On the ocean, a nautical mile measures 6,080 feet.
A land or statute mile is 5,280 feet.
The most impossible item to flush is a ping-pong ball.
The sun is 330,330 times larger than the earth.
More women than men have earned bachelor's degrees every year since 1982.
Ninety-nine percent of all forms of life that have existed on Earth are now extinct. Each day, up to 150 species of life become extinct.
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
The Food and Drug Administration stipulates that all fish to be eaten raw
(with the exception of tuna) must be frozen first, in order to kill parasites.
The average American eats 5 gallons of frozen desserts a year.
If you lace your shoes from the inside to the outside, the fit will be snugger around your big toe.
In 1060, a coin was minted in England shaped like a clover. The user could break off any of the four leaves and use them as separate pieces of currency.
On average, the Statue of Liberty's fingernails weigh 100 lbs apiece.
Hoover Dam, on the border between Nevada and Arizona, contains 3.25 million cubic yards of concrete, enough to pave a two-lane highway from San Francisco, California, to New York City, New York, a distance of 2,930 miles.
Your heart rate can rise as much as 30% during a yawn.
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