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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
A blonde lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When asked what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they asked for a credit card number, so she was using the "ATM thingy".
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GOLF JOKE
A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, "Doctor, I'm in one hell of a big hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anaesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it-- I don't have time to wait for the anaesthetic to work!
The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness--this sure is a very brave man, asking me to pull his tooth without using anything to kill the pain."
So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it, sir?"
The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth, Honey, and show the doctor which tooth hurts."
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JEWISH JOKE
An elderly Jewish lady is leaving the garment district to go home from work.
Suddenly a man who has been walking towards her, stands in front of her, blocks her path, opens up his raincoat and flashes her.
Unruffled she takes a look and remarks, "This you call a lining?
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LAWYER JOKE
A Mexican bandito was famous for crossing the Rio Grande into Texas, robbing banks, and returning to Mexico where American sheriffs couldn’t get him. This one Texas ranger devotes himself to finding the bandito, and finally finds him in his favorite cantina in a small Mexican village.
He sneaks up behind him, puts his trusty six-shooter to his head, and says, "Now tell me where you've hidden all your loot or I'll blow your brains out." But the bandito couldn't speak English and the ranger didn't know any Spanish.
Fortunately there was a bilingual lawyer who offered his services to the two gentlemen and translated the ranger's question to the bandito.
The frightened Mexican answered in Spanish, "All my loot is buried under the cactus behind this cantina."
"What did he say?" asked the ranger.
The lawyer responded, "He said, 'You don't have the balls to shoot me you little chicken.'"
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CLASSIC JOKE
A man was in the hospital recovering from an operation when a nun walked
into his room. She was there to cheer up the sick and ailing. The man
and nun started talking and she asked about his life. He talked about
his wife and 13 children.
"My, my," said the nun, "13 children... You're a good, proper
Catholic family. G-d is very proud of you!"
"I'm sorry, Sister," he said, "I am not Catholic. I'm Jewish."
"Jewish!?" she replies and immediately gets up to leave.
"Sister,why are you leaving?"
"I didn't realize I was talking to a sex maniac!"
submitted by: Harold Greene
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USEFUL INFORMATION
MIGHTY FINE ADVICE IN THESE WORDS
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, 'I love you ,' mean it.
FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson !
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship...
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY.. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
submitted by: Jeff G.
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