Home | Blonde Jokes | Golf Jokes | Jewish Jokes | Lawyer Jokes | Classic Jokes | Useful Information
 Jere 

jeresjokes@yahoo.com

 Jere's Holiday
Gift Picks 
Click Here
Great Gifts for Everyone!

 CHEAPEST GAS PRICES! 
Enter your Zip Code


 Free Online Games 

 Entertainment, Travel & Science News 

 How Old Are You? 

 Get Your Weather 
Enter your Zip Code

 Movie Listings 
Enter your Zip Code


 Get Your Stocks 
Enter Symbol:


 Get Your Horoscope 
Whats Your Sign?


 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
A Blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her index finger blown off. "How did this happen?", the doctor asked.

"Well I was trying to commit suicide," the Blonde replied.

"Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?"

"No, silly! First I put the gun between my breasts and I thought, I just paid $100,000 for these. Then I put it in my mouth and I thought, I just paid $24,000 to get my teeth straightened. So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought, this is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger."
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
Moses, Jesus, and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the
tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and
lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto
the green.

Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green.

The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes
sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But just before
it falls into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its
mouth. As the fish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops
down and grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies off over the
green, where a lighting bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it.

Startled, the eagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the
ball pops out of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one.

Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don't
stop fooling around, we won't bring you next time."
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
A conversation with a Jewish mother

- Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?

- You're going out?

- Yes,

- With whom?

- With a friend.

- I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man.

- I didn't leave him. He left me!

- You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies.

- I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids?

- I never left you to go out with anybody except your father.

- There are lots of things that you did and I don't.

- What are you hinting at?

- Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight.

- You're going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out?

- My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he
left me, he probably never slept alone!

- So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place?

- He's not a loser.

- A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and
a parasite.

- I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not?

- Poor children with such a mother.

- Such as what?

- With no stability. No wonder your husband left you.

- ENOUGH!

- Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too!

- Now you're worried about the loser?

- Ah, so you see he's a loser. I spotted him immediately.

- Good-bye, mother.

- Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over?

- I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out!

- If you never go out, how do you ever expect to meet anyone
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?

A: Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
Prozac is like chicken soup, it doesn't cure anything, but it makes you feel better.

Submitted by: Lindsay G.
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
Your Inspiration For The Day: Instructions For A Happy Life

Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

Don't believe all you hear.

When you say, "I love you", mean it.

When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.

Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

Believe in love at first sight.

Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

Smile when picking up the phone, the caller will hear it in your voice.

Treat other's the way you want to be treated!
  ... More Useful Information?