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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
A police officer stops a blond for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Joel was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker - "Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the men's tee, please!" Joel was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement - "Would the man on the women's tee kindly back up the men's tee!"

Joel had had enough. He shouted, "Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot!"
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
These two Jewish men are sitting in a wonderful deli frequented almost exclusively by Jews in the Jewish section of town. They are talking amongst themselves in Yiddish. A Chinese waiter comes up and in fluent and impeccable Yiddish asks them if everything is okay can he get them anything and so forth. The Jewish men are dumbfounded. "My G-d where did he learn such perfect Yiddish?" they both think. After they pay the bill they ask the manager of the store an old friend also fluent in Yiddish "Where did our waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish?"

The owner looks around and leans in so no else one will hear and says "Shhhh. He thinks we're teaching him English."
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
The defendant asked for a new lawyer, claiming the public defender wasn't interested in his case.

The judge addressed the PD: "What do you have to say to that?"

The PD replied, "Could you repeat that, your honor? I wasn't listening."
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a great time for women. Just last week Oprah had a whole show on how great menopause will be... Puhleeeeeeeze! I've had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you. Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just pushing your luck) you'll probably relate.


1-Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

2-In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

3-Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around.

4-Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless.

5-Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too."

6-Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones.

7-Mid-life is when you look at your-know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: "For this I have stretch marks?"

8-In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can retain is water.

9-Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally -- more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin.

10-Mid-life means that you become more reflective...You start pondering the "big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now, for the body you had way back when? Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired. That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!

Submitted by: Renee Andert
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
Gift Cards


Well the crooks have found a way to rob you of your gift card balance.

If you buy Gift Cards from a display rack that has various store cards you may become a victim of theft. Crooks are now jotting down the card numbers in the store and then wait a few days and call to see how much of a balance they have on the card. Once they find the card is "activated", they go online and start shopping.

You may want to purchase your card from a customer service person, where they do not have the Gift Cards viewable to the public.
  ... More Useful Information?