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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
Subject: Qualifications for US President

This just might make your day a little brighter!!

You, who worry about democrats versus republicans -- relax, here is our real problem.

In a Purdue University classroom, they were discussing the qualifications
to be President of the United States. It was pretty simple: The candidate
must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age.

However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was
that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming
president. The class was taking it in and letting her rant, and not many
jaws hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating,

"What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?"

submitted by: Bob Gasway
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
One mid-afternoon on a sunny day, a golfer teed up his ball. After a few practice swings, he steps up to his ball and gets ready to drive the first hole. Just before he swings, a woman in a wedding gown comes running up from the parking lot. She's got tears streaming down her face. Just as she reaches the raised tee, she screams out, "I can't believe it! How could you do that?"

The golfer calmly takes a swing and drives the ball straight down the fairway. He looks at the woman, as he puts his driver back in his bag and says, "Hey...I said only if it's raining"
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
Yasser Arafat, not feeling well and concerned about his mortality, goes to consult a Psychic about the date of his death.

Closing her eyes and silently reaching into the realm of the future she finds the answer: "You will die on a Jewish holiday."

"Which one?'" Arafat asks nervously.

"It doesn't matter," replied the psychic. "Whenever you die, it'll be a Jewish holiday
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?
They're both extinct.
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down but says nothing.

The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk just sits there.

Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.

The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
"Symptoms of Inner Peace"

* An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment

* Loss of interest in judging others

* Loss of interest in interpreting actions of others

* Loss of interest in conflict

* Loss of ability to worry

* Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation

* Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature

* Frequent attacks of smiling through the eyes from the heart

* Tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen

* Tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fear based on past experiences

* Susceptibility to love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend love.

Submitted by: B. Gasway
  ... More Useful Information?