Home | Blonde Jokes | Golf Jokes | Jewish Jokes | Lawyer Jokes | Classic Jokes | Useful Information
 Jere 

jeresjokes@yahoo.com

 Jere's Holiday
Gift Picks 
Click Here
Great Gifts for Everyone!

 CHEAPEST GAS PRICES! 
Enter your Zip Code


 Free Online Games 

 Entertainment, Travel & Science News 

 How Old Are You? 

 Get Your Weather 
Enter your Zip Code

 Movie Listings 
Enter your Zip Code


 Get Your Stocks 
Enter Symbol:


 Get Your Horoscope 
Whats Your Sign?


 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
Three Blondes are stuck on a deserted island, when one of them finds a lamp on the beach. She picks it up and gives it a little rub and a genie pops out.

The genie looks at the three Blondes and says, "I normally give three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant each of you one wish."

Well the first one is tired of being on the island, so she wishes to go back home. POOF!! She disappears.

The second one said she too is tired of the island, and wishes to go home. POOF!! She too disappears.

The genie then turns to the last Blonde and asks her what her wish is.

"Gee," she says, "I'm awfully lonely here by myself. I wish my friends were still here"
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting
for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Priest: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with
him.

Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of
us? They're rather slow aren't they?

George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost
their sight while saving our club house last year. So we let them
play here anytime free of charge!

(silence)

Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist

buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.

Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
Three guys, a Canadian, an Iraqi and an Israeli are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

"I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.

The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."

With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POUF' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

The Iraqi was amazed, so he said; "I want a wall around Iraq, so that no infidels and Jews can come into our precious state."

Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POUF' there was a huge wall around Iraq.

Izzy Goldberg, the Israeli asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."

The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 200 feet high, 100 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out."

Izzy says, ... "Fill it up with water."
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
What happens to a lawyer who jumps out of a plane at 35,000 feet without a parachute?
Who cares?
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
CUTE ONE LINERS

Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.

~~~~~

Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.

~~~~~

The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere.

~~~~~

I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.

~~~~~

Aspire to inspire before you expire.

~~~~~

My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.

submitted by: Ray Ziff
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
This might be a lifesaver if we can remember the three questions!

IS IT A STROKE?

Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, this lack of awareness can spell disaster. The stroke victim may suffer brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.


Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:

Ask the individual to smile.

Ask him or her to raise both arms.

Ask the person to speak a simple sentence.

If he or she has trouble with any of these tasks, call 9-1-1 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

After discovering that a group of non-medical volunteers could identify facial weakness, arm weakness and speech problems, researchers urged the general public to learn the three questions. They presented their conclusions at the American Stroke Association's annual meeting last February. Widespread use of this test could result in prompt diagnosis and treatment of the stroke and prevent brain damage.
  ... More Useful Information?