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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"

The agent replies, "Just a minute..."

"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
Subject: The Truly Useful Golf Book

The Truly Useful Golf Book. It includes the following chapters:

* How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt

* How to Hit a Nike From the Rough When You Hit a Titleist Off The Tee

* How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker

* How to Get More Distance Off the Shank

* When to Give the Ranger the Finger

* Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings

* Crying and How to Handle it

* Proper Excuses for Drinking Beers Before 10am

* How to Rationalize a 6 Hour Round

* How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water

* Why Your Wife Doesn't Care That You Birdied the 5th

* How to Let a Foursome Play Through Your Twosome Without Getting
Embarrassed

* How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three Off the Tee

* When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent

* G-d and the Meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey Three Putt


I understand that they are working on the sequel "When to Re-grip Your Ball Retriever"
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
Yasser Arafat, not feeling well and concerned about his mortality, goes to consult a Psychic about the date of his death.

Closing her eyes and silently reaching into the realm of the future she finds the answer: "You will die on a Jewish holiday."

"Which one?'" Arafat asks nervously.

"It doesn't matter," replied the psychic. "Whenever you die, it'll be a Jewish holiday
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
Here is a question that was asked of a Priest, a Minister and a Rabbi:

"When you are in your casket, and friends, family and congregants are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say?"

The Episcopal priest answered, "I would like to hear them say that I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader and a great family man."

The Catholic priest said, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful teacher and a servant of G-d who made a huge difference in people's lives."

The Rabbi answered, "I would like to hear them say, 'Look, he's moving!'"

Submitted by Pam Wasserman
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
1. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by
ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the
bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight".
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a
month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law
with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their
calendar as lunar based, this period was called the honey month or what
we know today as the honeymoon.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3. Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked
into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a
refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is
the phrase inspired by this practice.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
4. In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only
Ladies Forbidden.... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English
language.
  ... More Useful Information?