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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
At a pharmacy, a blonde woman asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms.
The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.
"It won't work," countered the woman. "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt."
Submitted by Harriet Kohn
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GOLF JOKE
"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy.
"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went," he answered.
"You're 75 years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?"
"He's 85, older than me and he doesn't play golf anymore," protested Jack.
"You're right, he doesn't play golf anymore but he's got perfect eyesight. He would watch the ball for you," Tracy pointed out.
The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack.
"Yup," Scott answered.
"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.
"I forgot."
Submitted by: Elmer Nance
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JEWISH JOKE
A woman in Israel went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Chanukah cards.
"What denomination?" asked the clerk.
"Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" replied the woman. "Well, give me 50 Conservative, 2 Orthodox, and 37 Reform ones.
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CLASSIC JOKE
Random Silliness
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians - the quick and the dead.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool, Who said, Quit while you are ahead?
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Before marriage, a man Yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the Y becomes silent.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
In the computer world, every morning is the dawn of a new error...
For people who like peace and quiet; a phone less cord.
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
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USEFUL INFORMATION
This might be a lifesaver if we can remember the three questions!
IS IT A STROKE?
Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, this lack of awareness can spell disaster. The stroke victim may suffer brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.
Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:
Ask the individual to smile.
Ask him or her to raise both arms.
Ask the person to speak a simple sentence.
If he or she has trouble with any of these tasks, call 9-1-1 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.
After discovering that a group of non-medical volunteers could identify facial weakness, arm weakness and speech problems, researchers urged the general public to learn the three questions. They presented their conclusions at the American Stroke Association's annual meeting last February. Widespread use of this test could result in prompt diagnosis and treatment of the stroke and prevent brain damage.
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Why did G-D make snakes just before lawyers?
