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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
A Blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her index finger blown off. "How did this happen?", the doctor asked.
"Well I was trying to commit suicide," the Blonde replied.
"Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?"
"No, silly! First I put the gun between my breasts and I thought, I just paid $100,000 for these. Then I put it in my mouth and I thought, I just paid $24,000 to get my teeth straightened. So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought, this is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger."
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GOLF JOKE
Wife says she's leaving me if I don't give up golf."
"What are you going to do?"
"I’ll miss her."
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JEWISH JOKE
A visitor to Israel attended a recital and concert at the Moscovitz Auditorium. He was quite impressed with the architecture and the acoustics.
He inquired of the tour guide, "Is this magnificent auditorium named after Chaim Moscovitz, the famous Talmudic scholar?"
"No," replied the guide. "It is named after Sam Moscovitz, the writer."
"Never heard of him. What did he write?"
"A check", replied the guide.
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LAWYER JOKE
How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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CLASSIC JOKE
A man sat at a local bar savoring a double martini when an attractive woman sat down next to him. The bartender served her a glass of vodka and orange juice. The man turned to her and said, "This is a special day. I'm celebrating."
"What a coincidence. I'm celebrating too," she replied, clinking glasses with him. "What are you celebrating?" she asked.
"As it happens, I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
"What a coincidence," she said. "For years my husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant! How did your chickens become fertile," she asked.?
"Oh, I switched cocks," he replied.
"What a coincidence, " she said.
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USEFUL INFORMATION
MIGHTY FINE ADVICE IN THESE WORDS
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, 'I love you ,' mean it.
FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson !
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship...
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY.. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
submitted by: Jeff G.
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