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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
A young woman said to her doctor: "You have to help me, I hurt all over."

"What do you mean?" said the doctor.

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled: "OW, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled: "OUCH! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe. "OW, even THAT hurts."

The doctor asked the woman: "Are you a natural blonde?"

"Why YES," she said.

"I thought so," said the doctor. "You have a sprained finger.
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
Two golfers are at the first tee: Golfer one: ``Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!''

Golfer two: ``Great trade!!!!''
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
Four Jewish ladies, at a resort in the Catskills, were in rockers on the veranda and admiring the scenery.

After a while the first woman sighed, "Oy!"

The others sighed sympathetically.

Then the second woman sighed, "Oy Vey!"

The others nodded.

A third woman said, "Oy, Gottenyu!"

The others nodded as if in agreement. Finally, the fourth woman said, "Enough talk about the children. Let's go for a walk!"
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
Q: Why is an avocado like a lawyer? (both are "avocat" in French)
A: Both have hearts like stones.
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
One morning, a woman and her baby were taking a bus. As she entered the bus the driver says "Wow, that is one ugly baby."

The woman was deeply hurt. She continued to get on to the bus and found a seat next to an elderly man. The man asked her, "What's wrong? You look mad."

She replied, "I am. That bus driver just insulted me."

"You shouldn't take that from him," the man replied. "He's a public worker and should give you respect. If I was you I would take his badge number and report him."

"You're right sir, I think I will report him."

The elderly man says, "You go on up there and get his badge number. I'll hold your monkey for you."
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK ALONE

Let's say it's 6:15 p.m. and you're driving home (alone of course), after an unusually hard day on the job. You're really tired, upset and frustrated. Suddenly you start experiencing severe pain in your chest that starts to radiate out into your arm and up into your jaw. You are only about five miles from the hospital nearest your home; unfortunately you don't know if you'll be able to make it that far.

What can you do? You've been trained in CPR but the guy that taught the course neglected to tell you how to perform it on yourself. Since many people are alone when they suffer a heart attack, this article seemed to be in order.

Without help, the person whose heart stops beating properly and who begins to feel faint, has only about 10 seconds left before losing consciousness. However, these victims can help themselves by coughing repeatedly and very vigorously. A deep breath should be taken before each cough.

The cough must be deep and prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep inside the chest. And a cough must be repeated about every 2 seconds without let up until help arrives, or until the heart is felt to be beating normally again.

Deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs and coughing movements squeeze the heart and keep the blood circulating. The squeezing pressure on the heart also helps it regain normal rhythm. In this way, heart attack victims can get to a hospital.

Tell as many other people as possible about this, it could save their lives.

AND THE BEAT GOES ON ...

Submitted by Dr. Bob F.
  ... More Useful Information?