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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
I've had enough of this...


A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door Neighbor's dog.It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.

The blonde jumps up out of bed and says "I've had enough of this". She Goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says "The dog is Still barking, what have you been doing?"

The blonde says "I've put the dog in our backyard, let's see how they like it .


submitted by: Elmer Nance
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well", it was like this, said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows."

We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball . . . . . . stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake.

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
Subject: Judaism in a nutshell

"Short summary of every Jewish Holiday:
They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat."
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?
They're both extinct.
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
Here is a question that was asked of a Priest, a Minister and a Rabbi:

"When you are in your casket, and friends, family and congregants are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say?"

The Episcopal priest answered, "I would like to hear them say that I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader and a great family man."

The Catholic priest said, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful teacher and a servant of G-d who made a huge difference in people's lives."

The Rabbi answered, "I would like to hear them say, 'Look, he's moving!'"

Submitted by Pam Wasserman
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 USEFUL INFORMATION
How To Stay Young and Happy!

Throw out all the non-essential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them - that is why you pay him.

Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. If you really need a grouch, there are probably a few of your relatives to do the job.

Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Just never let your brain idle.

Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. Laugh so much that you can be tracked in the store by your distinctive laughter.

The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with you our entire life is yourself.

Surround yourself with what you love, whether it is family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

Cherish your health. If it is good - preserve it. If it is unstable - improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve - get help.

Don't take guilt trips. Go to the mall, the next county, a foreign country... but not to guilt.

Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

And remember that Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take... but by the moments that take our breath away!

Submitted by: Elmer Nance
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