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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
I've had enough of this...


A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door Neighbor's dog.It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.

The blonde jumps up out of bed and says "I've had enough of this". She Goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says "The dog is Still barking, what have you been doing?"

The blonde says "I've put the dog in our backyard, let's see how they like it .


submitted by: Elmer Nance
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
A group of four married guys met for a Saturday A.M. tee time. On the first tee, one man said "I am thrilled to be out on the course, it's been a while, but it will really cost me. I had to promise I would paint the entire house next weekend in order to come here today. "The second man replied "You think that's bad, I have to build a deck all around our pool. "The third guy jumped into conversation with "You both got off easy, I have to remodel the kitchen".

After the first three holes, the three men who complained realized the fourth
had been silent when they were discussing their problems, and one asked "Hey,
you didn't say anything about what you had to promise your wife to be able to
play golf today, what gives? "He said he did not have to do anything. The
others were confused and asked him to explain his secret. He said "It was
easy, I just set my alarm clock for 5:00 AM. When the alarm went off, I rolled
over and nudged my wife and asked her "Golf course or intercourse?" and she said "Don't forget your sunscreen."
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
Six Jewish gentlemen were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when
Meyerowitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up.

Finkelstein looks around and asks "Now, who is going to tell the wife?"

They draw straws. Goldberg, who is always a loser, picks the short one.

They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is.

"Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet mensch you will ever meet.
Discretion is mine middle name, leave it to me." Goldberg schleps over to the Meyerowitz apartment, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants.

Goldberg declares "Your husband just lost $500."

She hollers, "TELL HIM HE SHOULD DROP DEAD!"

Goldberg says, "I'll tell him."
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suing the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?"

"Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.

"And now someone is suing the fast food restaurants for making them fat and clogging their arteries with all them burgers and fries, is that true, mister lawyer?"

"Sure is Bubba"

And the lady sued McDonald's for millions when she was given the hot coffee that she had ordered?"

"Yep."

"And the football player sued the university when he graduated and still couldn't read?"

"That's right," said the lawyer. "But why are you asking?"

"Cause what I want to know is, I was thinking, can I sue all the Beer Manufacturer's for all the ugly women I've slept with?"
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
"Why is it that all of the instruments seeking intelligent life in the universe are pointed away from the Earth?"

Submitted by: Bob Gasway
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason.

If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it.

Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.'



submitted by: Bob Gasway
  ... More Useful Information?