Home | Blonde Jokes | Golf Jokes | Jewish Jokes | Lawyer Jokes | Classic Jokes | Useful Information
 Jere 

jeresjokes@yahoo.com

 Jere's Holiday
Gift Picks 
Click Here
Great Gifts for Everyone!

 CHEAPEST GAS PRICES! 
Enter your Zip Code


 Free Online Games 

 Entertainment, Travel & Science News 

 How Old Are You? 

 Get Your Weather 
Enter your Zip Code

 Movie Listings 
Enter your Zip Code


 Get Your Stocks 
Enter Symbol:


 Get Your Horoscope 
Whats Your Sign?


 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun - they just don't remember who with.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
Because she loved children.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How many blondes does it take to make an electrical circuit?
Two. One to stand in the tub, and one to pass her the blow dryer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
"Oh look! Donut seeds!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why doesn't a blonde laugh at blonde jokes?
They all seem logical to her!
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
In the 16 and 17 centuries, everything had to be transported by ship. It was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common. It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a byproduct is methane gas.

As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOM!

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening. After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term "Ship High In Transit" on them which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.

Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T," which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day. You probably did not know the true history of this word. Neither did I. I always thought it was a golf term.

  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
An old Jewish man was dying in the hospital. Only one person is allowed in the room at a time. Grandson Ben went in first. "Hello, Grampa Moishe. Can I do something for you?"

"Yes," said Grampa Moishe. Go tell Gramma Sadie I want some of her chopped liver. Ben went out and told Gramma Sadie, who said,
"Go tell Grampa Moishe he can't have any chopped liver. It would kill him."

Ben went back in and reported. "You tell Gramma Sadie I want the chopped liver. I'm dying anyway and it won't make any difference."

Ben went and told Gramma Sadie, who said, "Go tell Grampa Moishe he can't have any. The chopped liver is for the shiva."
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
What happens to a lawyer who jumps out of a plane at 35,000 feet without a parachute?
Who cares?
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
The owner of a golf course in Texas was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Texas and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."

Submitted by: Bob Gasway
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
Do not turn on A/C immediately as soon as you enter the car

The given article is based on true facts!

Please do not turn on A/C immediately as soon as you enter the car. Open the windows after you enter your car and turn ON the air-conditioning after a couple of minutes.

According to a research done, the car dashboard, sofa, air freshener emits Benzene, a Cancer causing toxin (carcinogen - take note of the heated plastic Smell in your car).

In addition to causing cancer, it poisons your bones, causes anemia, and reduces white blood cells.

Prolonged exposure will cause Leukemia,increasing the risk of cancer. May also cause miscarriage.
Acceptable Benzene level indoors is 50 mg per sq. ft.. A car parked indoors with the windows closed will contain 400-800 mg of Benzene. If parked outdoors under the sun at a temperature above 60 degrees F, the Benzene level goes up to 2000-4000 mg, 40 times the acceptable level... & the people inside the car will inevitably inhale an excess amount of the toxins.

It is recommended that you open the windows and door to give time for the interior to air out before you enter.

Benzene is a toxin that affects your kidney and liver, and is very difficult for your body to expel this toxic stuff.

http://www.snopes.com/medical/toxins/benzene.asp

Submitted by: Bob Gasway
  ... More Useful Information?