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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
She was so Blonde
- she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats

- under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics"

- she tried to drown a fish

- she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK"

- if you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back

- she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept

- she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store

- if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless

- she studied for a blood test

- she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train

- she sold the car for gas money

- when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved

- she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill

- when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine-chilling cries.

Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression...

In America they call it golf.

Submitted by: Joel S.
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
On an elderly gentleman's 80th birthday, some of his friends decide they want to do something special for him, so they send a prostitute over to his house to have sex with him.

The prostitute knocks on the door and the 80 year old man answers. The prostitute says, "I'm here to give you super sex."

The old man's hearing isn't quite what it used to be, so he says, "What's that dearie?"

The prostitute speaks a little louder and says, "I said, I am here to give you super sex."

Again the old man asks her to repeat herself.

Very slowly, she yells, "I am here to give you super sex."

The old man finally understands and replies, "Oh, I guess I'll have the soup."
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
After completing law school and passing the bar, a man decides to open up a
private practice with one of his law school buddies as partner.

On their first day, they set up shop, and around lunchtime, the man's buddy
goes out to get them some sandwiches.

Two minutes later, a woman walks in -- their first client!

She asks him to draw up some papers and review a couple of very simple
contracts.

"That'll be $100," the man replies.

She complies, and having just gone to the bank, hands over a brand new,
crisp $100 bill.

The woman decides to leave for the next hour, leaving the man to resume his
work.

The man, relishing in his first payment as a lawyer, sits back in his brand
new, leather chair and holds the brand new, crisp $100 bill up to the light
with admiration and pride.

He sniffs the bill and starts to rub it a bit when suddenly, he discovers
that he was mistakenly given TWO $100 bills!!!

And thus, he was confronted with his first ethical dilemma as a lawyer.

Should he tell his partner?

Submitted by Renee Andert
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
An 80-year-old man was having an annual physical.

As the doctor listened to his heart with the stethoscope, he began to mutter, "Uh-oh."

The man asked the doctor, "What's the problem?"

"Well," said the doctor, "you have a serious heart murmur. Do you smoke?"

"No," replied the man.

"Do you drink in excess?"

"No." replied the man.

"Do you have a sex life?"

"Yes, I do!"

"Well," said the doctor, "I'm afraid that with this heart murmur, you'll have to give up half your sex life."

Perplexed, the old man thought a minute and said, "Which half -- the looking or the thinking?"

Submitted by: Margo Australia
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
Subject: Car Theft and your Vin #

As sad as it is this has already happened, thought you might like to know about this.

It seems that car thieves have found another way to steal your car or truck without any effort at all. The car thieves peer through the windshield of your car or truck, write down the VIN number from the label on the dash, go to the local car dealership and request a duplicate key based on the VIN number. The car dealer's parts dept will make a duplicate key from the VIN number and collect payment from the thief who will return to your car. He doesn't have to break in, do any damage to the vehicle, or draw attention to himself. All he has to do is to walk up to your car, insert the key and off he goes to a local chop shop with your vehicle.

You don't believe it?

It IS that easy.

To avoid this from happening to you, simply put some tape – electrical tape, duct tape or medical tape) across the VIN label located on the dash board. By law, you cannot remove the VIN number, but you can cover it so it can't be viewed through the windshield by a car thief.

I urge you to forward this to your friends before some other car thief steals
another car or truck.
  ... More Useful Information?